From Conflict Resolution:
Michael: Okay, Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
Creed: I know exactly what he’s talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.
This week’s iPod Giveaway question is:
Besides mung bean sprouts, what else do you think Creed keeps in his desk drawer and why?
You have until Tuesday, August 1st at 11:59pm Pacific Time to add a comment. Please follow the rules!
P.S. To see past weeks’ iPod Giveaway entries, click here.
An acrostic poem for Creed:
P eople think I’m
O nly about
T hings that are
P utrid
O r nasty. Not true. I keep fragrant dried flowers
U nder the fish oil found in my top
R ight-hand desk drawer.
R hododendron is my favorite. Sometimes, even
I grow tired of my usual old-man stench.
Creed has in his desk some very potent laxatives, cause you got to control your flow and you never know when that piping gets clogged.
Besides the normal “desk drawer” things like paperclips and pens, Creed likes to keep the things he’s casually stolen over the years in his desk. Creed has quite the collection of things from the vending machine as well as a jar full of M&M’s he’s lifted off Kevin’s desk. Every time he walks by Kev’s desk, he grabs a handful and puts them into the jar in his desk. Creed also has many guitar picks and old things to remind him of his days back when he was in a band.
Creed keeps those mung bean spouts in his drawer for a reason. Something has to cover the smell of that Northern Lights Cannabis Indica he has tucked neatly in the back. (Quality Assurance is a very stressful job, you see, and a man has to unwind somehow.) A closer look at Creed’s drawer also reveals a tattered photo of him in a Hong Kong bar, smiling with his arm around a pretty girl. I feel nostalgic when I look at it, and I imagine he does too. He seems happier than I have ever seen him… but perhaps he was just high. Beneath a scattering of stolen items from the office, lies a book of food stamps, as well as a handwritten menu of all the soups served at various soup kitchens in Scranton. I see he has circled “Thursday – Pea Soup!” at the downtown kitchen. This is a man who likes his soup, and he likes it free. However, perhaps most striking was a hand-drawn map of the Dunder Mifflin complex, highlighting escape routes and exits. I’m not sure what he’s planning, but at least we know Creed can be organized when he has to be.
Creed has stolen many things over the years and keeps them in his desk. Creed has stolten a couple of Michael’s toys and certificates to make him paranoid. He has some lotion to make it easier to get his arm into the vending machine to get candy. The candy is in his desk. He has albums from the 1960’s and 1970’s that he likes to listen to. He also has marijuana in his desk. He likes to take a long break on bad days and make the day better by smoking the marijuana.
Ah… what hits the spot better than mung bean sprouts? Creed would have to say chocolate covered rice. Shipped from China, he traveled 15 miles to meet a man hidden in the shadows. It was difficult for him, considering his lacking of all 10 toes, but he managed, and in the man’s trenchcoat lied all the wonders of Chinese food- food you’ve never seen in the typical Chinese restaurant. Creed bowed to the man, gave him a kick to the groin (thank you Dwight for the secret martial arts turtoring after work hours), caught a chocolate covered rice where his missing toe used to be, and stow away with the rest of the secret trenchcoat man’s belongings. In his desk, these treasures lie. Along with a pack of condoms he found by Kevin’s desk.
SOUP
Instead of keeping his favorite Irish soup in the kitchen, he prefers to always have it at a one foot radius from himself. The potent odor is ultimate satisfaction!
HIS MUG SHOT
Creed, obviously, has always been a thief. When he was young (in 1784), he was arrested for stealing, what he believed to be, “diamond dust”. It was, in fact, eleven pounds of cocaine. He pleaded mentally unstable (which is, actually, very believable) and was sentenced to eight years in the state asylum.
Had Michael Scott only run a background check on his employees (a company policy he has yet to follow), Creed Bratton would not be part of the Dunder Mifflin Corporation.
He enjoys admiring his mug shot in his drawer because it is the only picture of himself when he was young. He quotes, “I was quite a fox!”.
PAM”S PRISM DURO SPORT
Last week, she left it in the break room.
HIS PET LIZARD
Arnold, Creed’s pet lizard (and best friend) lives in the drawer. What Creed doesn’t know is that Arnold sleeps (as well as doing other, much more disturbing, activities) on the mung beans.
Obviously Creed’s desk is full of stolen items from the office from Post-it notes to Michael’s favorite Worlds Best Boss mug, which he must continually replace. However, digging deeper, we find a bottle of vodka (not uncommon in the office mind you) which helps him get through the day. Also, his collection of German folk music records which he plays when he feels like being alone (which is almost always). Finally, his first hand World War II memorabilia that he pulls out to brag to anyone who wants to listen about the good ol days.
An inventory of the contents of Creed’s desk reveals much about the enigmatic man.
Item: Dracula teeth
Creed: “Sometimes little kids come to the office; I like to be prepared.”
Item: Unopened Speed Stick Deodorant
Creed: “Picked that up a while back; slipped it in the old sleeve-ola. Maybe I’ll give it a try.”
Item: Stuffed in back: several crumpled Dunder Mifflin Quality Control memos
Creed: “Oh, I usually make it up as I go along.”
Item: Box containing locks of hair, old crumbling cigarettes, tour poster, a Drivers License, sets of keys
Creed: “That’s just old stuff from the band. Gonna sell it on eBay.”
Item: Restroom sign
Creed: “It offended me, and no one would do anything about it. I marched with Dr. King, you know.”
Item: Photo of Asian family holding a blond baby
Creed: “Mama & Papa, and there’s me…feet all wrapped snug…toe was gone the next year. Wanna see?”
Item: Gold tooth
Creed: “That’s from the old days as a teenager in Coarsegold. Yep, we did our share of gold-digging.”
Item: Photo of woman, signed on the back: ”It’s been a great 3 years! Love, Jill”
Creed: “I don’t remember who that is.”
c’mon. i think we all know the one thing that’s definitely in creed’s desk, right?
i mean, obviously, there’s the beans. the old stench sprouts. and, sure, i suppose, there’s a mixed bag of odd-bird articles, like a year’s worth of toe nail clippings, or a torn out newspaper story with every 13th letter circled, or something.
and, there’s probably things that jim, or kevin, or kelly, or the gray-haired chick “lost,” back in ’04 like a sandwich or one of their socks, or something. you know, things like that.
i’m sure those things are there. but, along with all of that, there is one thing, we know, with metaphysical certitude, that is there. it is. you know it is. i know it is. in creed’s desk, there is, absolutely, a copy of the latest issue of jane magazine…. that he stole from kevin’s desk.
-Stolen Chinese dice.
-A mini gameboy on a key chain with only one game “Paper Boy”
-Two Smerf guitar picks
-‘Shrooms
-A picture of Devon with drawn in devil horns that says “ha!”
-A picture of Pam that says “Sandy”
-About three Mexican chocolate bars
-Some sort of metal pipe
-The stolen photo of Meredeth topless
-Batman and Robin action figures
-A recipe for homemade “Tom Kha Gai”
-An excerise video with an old woman sitting in a chair with a towl that says “Excerise for the Elderly”
-Cherry chapstick
No, no, no. You’ve got it all wrong. Obviously he stashes pictures of the receptionist in there.
Creed’s top desk drawer contains a predictable mix of items: Dwight’s Mike Lieberthal bobble head doll, a hair clip of Pam’s, a rolled up poster of Angela’s entitled “Babies Playing Poker,” Kevin’s Scrantonicity demo CD and a T-shirt Michael once wore on a casual Friday that reads “Managers like it bossy.”
But the drawer below reveals Creed’s true persona, the one he desperately protects. There are size 16 red shoes, greasy face paint, ruffled shirts, rainbow-striped pants and dozens of spongy foam noses – the essentials of a man whose free time is spent feeding an inner passion no amount of drugs or mung bean sprouts could satisfy. Creed Bratton is Dunder the Clown, a classically trained mime with a bag of tricks learned from a decade-long stint in the Moscow Circus.
He hides his shame from the world, diverting attention by stealing, lunching at soup kitchens and pretending to forget his co-worker’s names. Because if they ever know the truth, it would sound the death knell of Dunder the Clown.
Things he’s stolen from his coworkers over the years and weren’t edible, of course some pot. (Honestly who else would have left the dubie in the parking lot?) I think a picture of him and the band back in the day. And some kind of lotion to rub on his toe. (Every since he lost half of it, the nub tends to get dry and cracks easily.)
Creed’s desk drawer stash –
The Scranton Times-Tribune and The South China Morning Post – he watches the obituaries and arrests for people he knows. Sometimes he looks for himself.
Bottle of Xanax – to help take the edge off.
Two foil packets of Sen-Sens – he enjoys the old-fashioned breath freshener because it tastes like licorice and soap; an oddly distinct flavor that reminds him of his youth.
Chinese to English dictionary – he forgets the occasional word.
Spare tie and extra change of underwear – soup can be dangerous.
Black and white photograph of The Grass Roots – to remember the good ‘ol days.
Chopsticks – he enjoys being reminded of home, although it’s quite a task eating soup with chopsticks.
Post-It note with his name, shelter address, and phone number – sometimes he forgets.
Kevin’s DVD of American Pie 2 – although he considers it to be his favorite movie, he’s never watched it.
Moldy peach pits, dead ink pens, and an empty bottle of Old Spice – he thinks it should be the janitor’s job to throw them out.
Approximately $3000.00 in cash – he can’t recall where he acquired it.
Loaded handgun – for the day he snaps or when the cops finally locate him.
Man, I’m not even gonna bother entering after some of these last few enteries, lol.
Man, I’m not even gonna bother entering after some of these last few enteries, lol.
— The bloody glove that somehow ended up in Dwight’s desk drawer. Hopefully, Jim will continue to pretend he put it in there as a gag and no one really figures out that Creed is the real killer.
— Hot sauce packets from that receptionist’s lunch a few years ago. Ya know, in case he needs hot sauce.
— A Devon voodoo doll. That thing worked so well that Creed will adapt it for the next round of layoffs.
— Top secret dossiers on all the Dunder employees. You should never trust anyone who is that quiet. It’s probably a sign he is keeping notes on you.
— Cream cheese to mix the mung beans in for a nice spread on his morning bagel.
— Schrute Farms beets.
* Eye mask, foam board, plaid shirt, slightly torn and stained boxer shorts- for when he sleeps over at the office
* A nut and bolt- a somber reminder of the iron lung he needed to use throughout his childhood
* A pair of glasses Dwight has been looking for all month- Jim’s not the only prankster in the office
* An emery board- for his finger and toenails
* A blue yogurt lid attached to a string of paperclips- Creed, however, did not place in any Office Olympic events
* Poker chips
* 2 5 lb. dumbbells
* Shamrock keychain with key labeled “Dunder-Mifflin Supply Closet”- although the key chain ended up in another employee’s hands after Yankee Swap, once he found out Oscar bought it for him (no, he isn’t Irish) he felt even less guilty reclaiming it
* Large pine cone- from a giant sequoia at Yosemite National Park
* A picture of his proudest possession- his Vance Refrigeration refrigerator
* Yellowed “New York Times” clipping of a glowing review of “The Grass Roots”
* Framed gold record- from 1968
* Women’s panties- circa 1968
Creed definitely has pot in his desk, and probably not really hidden (Creed: I stopped caring a long time ago) He has a mini tv, which he stole (Creed: yep, stole that from the Radio Shack over on Washington Ave.), and the stash of candy he stole from the vending machine, and the smut magazines. But Creed has been at Dunder-Mifflin a LONG time – he was hired by Ed Truck after all – and he is not a clean person, so I’d imagine part of Creed’s desk is like a time capsule. What would you find if you looked deep into Creed’s drawers? A 1979 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue with Christie Brinkley on the cover, with anatomical enhancements drawn in black marker, a Sony Walkman, which he stole, with a cassette of Cyndi Lauper’s “She’s So Unusual” (Creed: that came with the walkman…), and, of course, some old, yellowed rolling papers long forgotten.
Bottle of Texas Pete – because it complements so many foods.
1998 Wheel of Fortune Desk Calendar – someone in the office gave it to Creed for Christmas one year but he got so frustrated after many days of not being able to figure out the puzzle that he threw it in the desk drawer.
Draft of his obituary – because Creed wants to make sure certain things are in it (although, to be honest, he doesn’t remember how much is true and how much he made up).
Some random items stashed in Creed’s desk (that hopefully haven’t been already posted by other OfficeTally readers):
– Devon’s business cards
– One of Toby’s Dundie awards
– Copy of Ryan’s resume he left on the printer
– Ship captain’s hat from the Booze Cruise
– One of Kelly’s People magazines
– Nickels that Jim used to put in Dwight’s phone
– Picture of Stanley’s daughter in her Catholic School uniform
– Oven mitt that Phyllis made
– Kevin’s band’s video submitted for Pam’s wedding
– Picture of one of Angela’s cats
– One of the earrings Oscar wore for Halloween
– Handful of Dwight’s complaint forms about Jim
– Mistletoe that Todd Packer wore at the Christmas party
– 1/2 empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s
– Vance Refrigeration sign
Creed definitely had some kind of weapon in there. I’m gonna go with bowie knife, because you could kill someone or peel an apple. Either way.
Creed has many, many things in his desk that are just plain weird. One thing that stands out is a small doll made out of hair. He says a former Japanese lover from the late sixties gave it to him and it is made out of her hair. He thinks it’s weird that whenever she contacts him that she talks about a boy she gave birth to in August of 1969……
I’m going to guess that Creed has only the essentials in his desk drawer, this is a guy that didn’t even have a refrigerator! He won’t leave anything he’s stolen from his Officemates in there because he doesn’t trust Dwight after he used a trick he learned in China to booby-trap his drawer & the trap was sprung. Items Creed would have would be:
-Saltine crackers he stole from the soup kitchen
-Ketchup, soy sauce, and hot sauce packets and he has been known to make ketchup sandwiches with the saltines & ketchup, much to Angela’s horror
-A swiss army knife which is all you need for survival
-A pair of gloves for cold hands or for stealing, very useful
-A few herbal tea packets for various ailments
-A paper clip perfectly bent to fit in the vending machine in order to steal stuff
-A book of matches from a bar that he sometimes stops at on his way home from the office that has the best free appetizers during happy hour
-A small hand mirror that if he positions it just right, gives him a view of the receptionist
The mung bean sprouts are not really there for Creed to eat or anything. They are merely a diversion and a way to keep people from opening his desk to find the true source of the horrible smell: the body of Jimmy Hoffa. Don’t ask me how he fit it in there, but it’s there.
Oh, and in an amazing bit of NBC cross-promotion, the treasure that the contestants on the NBC reality show Treasure Hunters is in there too.
He has several items he has snagged from various officemates including a koosh doll Michael had in his office and a valentine Kelly made for Ryan. (She asked him for two weeks afterwards if he ever got it.)
In creed’s desk is a to scale replica of the Shire from Lord of The Rings. You see, one day Dwight spent a bulk of his lunch hour recreating the party scene at the start of The Fellowship of The Ring, and this distracted Creed from eating his egg salad sandwich and succotash, which he had to eat quickly since he was over three weeks late on a deadline of a response to his performance evaluation. When Dwight made a quick dash to the kitchen Creed stole the model, which Dwight of course assumed was stolen by Jim.
Creed’s middle desk drawer contains reading material for times when work is slow because no one needs to be assured of the quality of Dunder Mifflin paper. This includes a copy of the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu in Simplified Chinese that he checked out from a Hong Kong public library in 1983 and never returned, a Grand Theft Auto strategy guide, several issues of Warren Ellis’s Planetary comic book, the Summer 1974 issue of High Times, and the weekly menu for St. Francis of Assisi Kitchen.
Creed’s bottom desk drawer contains a disheveled melange of various items. Near the top are some Dundie Awards from past years, including the “Hope You Had Fun Wherever You Were” award, which he won after the time that he didn’t show up to work for two weeks without any prior warning. Then when he returned he acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Other items include a sequined cornflower blue purse, a winning lottery ticket that would have been worth several hundred thousand dollars if only he had remembered to redeem it before it expired in 1998, schematics for a working space elevator, and a bag of oregano.
The small list of items in Creed’s desk is quite simple:
» First Aid Kit
» Flashlight
» Sunglasses
» Pocket Knife
» Sunscreen
» Hat
» Topographical Maps
» Rain gear
» Umbrella
» Camera
» Binoculars
» Sewing kit
» Travel packs of soap
» Neck Pillow
» Laxative
» Motion sickness medicine
» Diarrhea medicine
» Insect Repellant
» Toothbrush/Paste
» Deodorant
» Nail Clippers
» Sunscreen
» Eye drops
» Lip Balm
With great trepidation, and even greater curiosity, you pick the lock to Creed’s middle drawer. Inside you find:
– a copy of The Tibetan Book of the Dead; inscribed inside the front cover: “Creed – Let’s get together and have some fun…like in the old days – Timothy Leary.” Aaah, a 60’s keepsake.
– a collapsible high-tech periscope, likely stolen from the CIA during the three weeks he thought he worked there. He uses it to look at “the Indian girl” and “the receptionist.”
– a dog-eared ledger book, apparently tracking the dealings of an import/export business. It’s written in half-English, half-Chinese. A strange coding system is being used. There’s only one item you completely understand: “plastic vampire teeth — 2 cents per unit.”
– a CD of Scrantonicity tunes, labeled by Kevin, “Let’s jam some time!” Too bad Creed doesn’t own a CD player.
– twelve incriminating photos of the documentary film-making team and five even-more-incriminating photos of Dwight and Angela. This looks like Creed’s “insurance policy.”
The contents of Creed’s desk are as follows:
-Mung bean sprouts (of course)
-Kevin’s American Pie 2 dvd
-A nose hair trimmer
-A fresh pair of socks (for the 4-toed Creed)
-Polident for his dentures (eh, he doesn’t wear them much anyway, only when he knows he has to talk to someone…which isn’t too often)
-A comb (true, he doesn’t have much hair on his head, but he often combs the long hair on his feet)
-Stolen office supplies from the vending machines (he sometimes has to clean out some of the drawers from the melted candy bars he never got to)
-Preparation H (he thinks it’s from the soup–the itching and burning that is)
-A half-empty bottle of Vodka that he stole from Meredith while she was passed out
-A whip (better to not ask questions)
-And a revolver no one knows about
Amongst other things besides mung bean sprouts, Creed has a number of items that he keeps in his desk drawer:
HALL’S VITAMIN C DROP – Creed has a persistent cough that he has had for the latter end of his life. This drop helps soothe his throat from irritation and provide him a good dose of Vitamin C daily.
CROSSWORD PUZZLES – Nothing odd about this. Creed just likes to fill his time when he’s not working by not working. He’s not very good at them either.
SMALL SCREWDRIVER – He sometimes hears noises coming from places that are difficult to reach. Rather than bother having to wait for Tech Support, he usually takes matters into his own hands.
PENS – Many pens from different desks around the office. None of these pens originally belonged to Creed and he always forgets he has a steady stash of them.
APPOINTMENT BOOK – Yet another item not belonging to Creed but in his possession. Creed likes to see what Ryan is doing on the weekends and also likes to add his own appointments to Ryan’s book.
PHONE DIRECTORY – For Hong Kong.
Creed has a huge bag of coins in his desk. He has collected at least 40$ over the last few months by performing a monthly after-hours raid of other employees’ desk. Creed’s desk is filled with other mementos from his raids. He nabbed a jar of M&Ms from Kevin’s desk, season 1 Battlestar Galactica DVDs from Dwight’s (Creed doesn’t have a DVD player, but he needs to start somewhere so a DVD set is as good as anything), a bottle of gin from Meredith’s desk, drawing supplies from Pam’s desk, a Bible from Angela’s desk, and a knitted scarf from Phyllis’s desk.
– An old pizza slice from Take Your Daughter to Work Day.
– Pictures of the “Red Head” and “the Receptionist.”
– A copy of American Pie 2
– Some old guitar picks
– a twig
– Pixie sticks. Lots, and lots of pixie sticks
– Grass Roots album
– A knife
– Paintballs
– Post-it notes
– Marbels
– Stolen Mini alchohol bottle
– Some odd looking leaves
Creed’s drawer contents
-Washcloth and bar of soap — For when he needs to take a bath
-Ketchup packets — Free; can be made into tomato soup by adding hot water
-High Times — For learning about marijuana, of course
-Reusable ice pack — He doesn’t need it so much now that he has a fridge
-A VHS with episodes of “Short Attention Span Theater”—Perfect for Creed’s short attention span; given to him by Kevin; never watched
-Condoms — Duh
-Black ski mask — “For warmth,” he says
-Dwight’s Movie Mania membership card — Found in the bathroom
-Three eyelashes taped to an index card — From a long-ago lover?
-Bandages — Stolen from the office first aid kit for abrasions suffered sticking hand up vending machine
A hacksaw.
A severed house arrest ankle braclet.
A severed toe.
Hmm … interesting.
***List of people who were not assured that Dunder-Mifflin paper is high quality
“You have to keep your enemies close, after all.”
***Father’s day card from Hong Kong
“That joker, Wa-Du!”
***Inhaler
“That time in an iron lung was no picnic. Hate to do that again.”
***Bottle of Night Swept
“Thought I’d snag this and replace it with a little mung bean juice. We’ll see who stanks now, Michael.”
***Binoculars
“If they insist on seating me this far away from the receptionist, it’s an essential item.”
***”Guarding Against Frostbite”
“Dwight brought this in one day. Don’t want to lose anymore toes.”
***Plaid shirt
“I like to keep this here for emergencies. Luckily Jim didn’t want it.”
***Accounting books
“Yeah, I made some replacement balance sheets. Let’s see what happens with this one.”
***Miscellaneous things stolen from everyone
“…Gin from the redhead’s desk, coupons for Auntie Anne’s pretzels, hot schoolgirl photo, purple belt, black jellybeans, the temp’s business school ID, a photo of Tom Hanks on the piano from Philadelphia, a book of IQ tests, whatever Devon left in his desk, some cat figurines, DVDs of American Pie and Prince of Tides, this captain’s hat, couple of yogurt lids…”
Alright, hold your breath for as long as you can. We’re going in!
1. A cell phone with 72 voicemail messages, which we doubt is actually his. Sure enough, we ask Creed and he confirms that it’s Ryan’s. “I heard him say he was just going to change his number.”
2. An envelope that has Pam’s name written on the front. But is that Creed’s writing? Nope, it’s Jim’s. Excitedly, we ask for the story on this, eager to know what’s inside. “I thought it would be fun to pickpocket and that one was very easy. What’s inside? Oh, I don’t know. Some love letter. Isn’t Pam the one from corporate?”
3. A picture of an attractive Asian woman. “My third wife. We don’t really get along. Truthfully, I just don’t like being married. She doesn’t either. But it’s such a hassle to get a divorce.”
4. A corn-husk doll that looks like it’s been used for voodoo purposes. It’s a woman with red hair. Creed smirks.
The bottom layer of the desk drawer holds an assortment of guitar picks, one of which is imprinted with “Scrantonicity” in tiny letters, and about 37 handmade paper “hateballs” mixed with M&Ms.
1. Guitar Pick always at hand in case he needs to prove his musical abilities
2. Soup kitchen coupons/vouchers
3. Poker chips
4. Black Jelly beans (remember the episode where Dwight asked who took them all??? well Creed did)
5. Jim’s Medal from the Office Olympics (take note that after that episode it was not wrapped around his desk lamp like it is shown in the actual episode…i don’t doubt that creed took that too)
6. Cans of soup to make in the kitchenettte
Inside Creed’s desk drawer is every employee’s Secret Santa gift from every single year he’s worked at Dunder Mifflin (because he REALLY loves stealing things, guys)… except for Angela’s baby poster of course. Asked why his collection was incomplete, Creed answered “What kind of weirdo do you think I am?”
On a particularly boring Friday afternoon, Michael suddenly declared “Summer Spring Cleaning Day” to get a jump on the spring tidying that happens each January. Creed was on vacation, so Michael decided that Ryan would be cleaning out Creed’s odiferous desk. Ryan suspected this assignment had something to do with not returning Michael’s many, many, many voicemail messages. Resigned to his fate, he began his task and was taken aback by what he found:
The “Save the Date” card addressed to Kelly. He couldn’t figure that one out—Creed didn’t even know who Pam was. Maybe because the stationery was pretty?
The instructions for the refrigerator Creed won. Ryan had seen Creed studying it quizzically at work, as though it described a Magical Machine of the Future.
Betsy the Blow-up Doll (deflated), who usually lived in the warehouse. He didn’t even want to know.
A mung bean cookbook written Mandarin. That kind of explained the sprouts in Creed’s desk drawers.
A pile of poker chips like the ones used on Casino Night. Souvenirs of his victory?
Oh, no. A prosthetic (and presumably fifth) toe. Ryan theorized that this was only used for special occasions. Ick.
Underneath all of the sprouts and paperwork, we might find a hidden compartment in Creed’s desk. While the contents thereof might seem odd to some, to Creed they make complete sense. 1) A shamrock keychain-the one thing in there that was supposed to be his in the first place. 2) One of Angela’s cat figurines. It looks a little bit like Buddha. 3) Nail clippers, for all nine toes. 4) An extra pair of socks. Not quite sure where he picked those up. 5) Scrantonicity’s tryout video-he thinks Kevin has potential. 6) A potato gun, with an actual potato. Can you imagine if he were deranged? 7) A napkin with directions to the soup kitchen on one side and Jimi Hendrix’s signature on the other. 8) $3,000 in cash. We all know it was Creed.
Creed hides a PSP that he uses whenever he is bored, which is most of the time! He ‘found’ it lying around one day at The Office. It was kind of a busy day, for some reason it seemed like everyone’s baby sitter was sick, it seemed that every one’s kid was at The Office. Except that they were all girls, go figure… When he ‘found’ it, he wasn’t too sure what it did but couldn’t help but to get it, then he found out that it was very cool. This black little device is the only thing that he can think of ever since he ‘found’ it. He even watched Spiderman II during the sexual harassment film that Toby played for them. He makes several trips to the men’s room where he usually spends several minutes ‘taking care of business’ along side his PSP. It is even keeping him from making his usual runs to the vending machine! There has not been a day that he has not used it since it came into his life!
Jerky (Emergency food supply)
Cat figurines (Stolen from a coworker’s desk over time)
Business card of a lawyer (Just in case he needs to get out of jail)
Asian pornographic materials (Very offensive; reminds him of his touring days)
Binoculars, Q-Tips, Vaseline (We don’t know why he has these but figure it can’t be good)
$0.53
Change of clothes (For when he comes to work wearing yesterday’s outfit)
Dell Magazines Variety Puzzles & Word Games (All puzzles are unfinished because of his short attention span)
Bubblegum lip gloss (Stolen from Pam’s coat pocket)
Lackawanna Sheriff’s Department
11/11/07
Official List of Items Confiscated from Creed Bratton’s Desk at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.
78. Three pieces of petrified wood from Arizona’s Petrified Forest
79. Newspaper clipping from the 1952 Roswell Crash, autographed by KR33D
80. Self-portrait watercolor signed by Pam Beesly.
81. Original video tape of the Apollo moon landing. The blue screen is clearly visible instead of the space and earth shown on TV.
82. Ben Gay
83. HR representative Toby’s fruit filled hookah.
84. A zip-loc bag containing formaldehyde and a toe.
85. Jar of urine marked “For Emergency Use Only”
86. Compromising pictures of Lance Bass, Rosie O’Donnell and Tom Cruise
87. A file folder marked “TOP SECRET”, containing the recipe to Coca-Cola
88. $728,650 in Bellagio Poker Chips
89. Gumball Dispenser with 72 “Greenades”
90. Wedding picture of the receptionist with the groom’s face cut out.
91. Bucket of sand marked “Nose of the Sphinx”
92. One Hartsfield-Jackson Airport Defibrillator
93. A purse with a tag that says, “Thank you for your purchase – Katie”
94. 64 joints in a Crayon box
95. Pepto-Bismal
96. 8453 Florida ballots from the 2004 Presidential Election
Pg. 4 of 19 (Continued)
One rainy Thursday, Dwight noticed that it was nearly 11 AM, and Creed’s desk was still empty. It was not unusual for him to wander into work an hour late, but 11 AM was unacceptable. After thoroughly questioning Pam, his suspicions were confirmed: Creed was skipping work, and had not even bothered to call in sick! Dwight knew it was time for a serious investigation. Since Creed didn’t have a phone number or home address listed in his files, Dwight had no choice but to search Creed’s desk drawer for clues.
The drawer’s contents left a frustrated Dwight with no leads as to Creed’s whereabouts:
-a small travel pillow, clearly stolen from an airplane, as “Air China” was on the tag
-16 plain M&Ms
-a small cat figurine
-one of Kelly’s pink sweaters
-a small bottle of tonic water
-an ice hockey trophy
-5 moldy bologna, tomato, & ketchup sandwiches
-a baggie of Northern Lights Cannabis Indica (even after his drug testing experience, Dwight assumed it was a blend of Italian spices).
At 11:24, Creed walked in, pulled out the travel pillow, and took a nap. When questioned later, he couldn’t remember why he was late for work.
Items found in Mr. Bratton’s drawers upon investigation of lurking horrible stench:
-ID Card of Dwight stating that he is high security risk, however Creed’s own photo has been glued on top of Dwight’s
-Copy key to a Chrysler Sebring (Interesting because Creed doesn’t own a car)
-Lint Collection
-Keys removed from keyboards around the office: N, O, V, E, and D (We’re not sure what it means, but we think it spells something)
-13 Origami Cranes
-Pages 24 and 57 to Threat Level Midnight starring Agent Michael Scarn
Finally found in bottom of Mr. Bratton’s desk, the culprit of the horrible stench:
-Jar of “soup” taken from Michael’s office
Creed has many different things in his desk.
To name a few:
The Obituaries from 20 years ago.
Oragami armadillos made out of 1 dollar bills
A dead iguana
A pocket knife
Matches
And a tape measure
As Ryan sits down at his desk, he notices that the cup of coffee he was drinking has suddenly disappeared. Looking around, he spies it in Creed’s hand, and watches with amazement as Creed proceeds to drink his coffee and read the morning paper. Frustrated, he turns back to his computer and decides to do another job search on Monster.com. About an hour later, Creed grabs his jacket and leaves the office. For what, who knows? It’s only 10:30. Ryan reaches across to retrieve his coffee mug, which he’s pretty sure he’s not going to use anymore when he smells something awful coming from Creed’s desk. Despite his better judgment, Ryan opens the drawer to find the mung beans Creed had been talking about, along with some other curious items. Including: 7 Baby Ruths, a Quality Assurance Report from 1976, 17 paper footballs, Michael’s magic 8 ball, some incriminating photographs of the redhead, and a lockbox. When asked about it later, Creed replies, “Oh you never can be too careful. I keep all my personal items locked up. People will steal anything.”
Aside from the mung beans, Creed’s desk is completely empty. Occasionally he has Ryan’s stapler in the bottom drawer. Ryan takes it back at the end of each day.
Creed thinks it’s a game.
Ok, so we all know Creed has a mild case of kleptomania, but he does surprisingly “care” about not getting fired, so he keeps the good contraband at home. His desk drawer, on the other hand – a wasteland. He keeps a now deflated blowup doll that was once in the warehouse, but that’s about all concerning Dunder Mifflin property.
Creed has an assortment of condiment packages on top of a framed picture of Bob Dylan with a message on it:
To Creed, the most wild cowboy I know. Hope your head heals, that jukebox just didn’t know what was comin’ to it.
Keep rockin’
-Bob
There are also numerous Post it notes filled with lists including, but not limited to: favorite foods, worst war movies, best on screen death scenes, “US states I’d blow up”, names for his supplies (his stapler is Jack), and an untitled, numbered list with what seems to be other office employees on it: The top three are:
1)The Temp
2)The Sassy Blond
3)Chatty Sally (got to be Kelly, right?)
There’s also a necklace made of what seems to be baby teeth.
“Yeah, they’re mine. I keep them for good luck.”
Among other items (like the mung beans), Creed has a monthly ritual of stealing at least one item from each person’s desk in the office. At the end of the month, he begins the process again. Here is this month’s collection:
From Ryan: A mix tape with a post-it note marked, “From Michael”
From Jim: A coupon for fabric softener
From Kelly: The “Spicy Curry” Dundie Award
From Oscar: A note from Dwight. It says, “Remember the favor you owe me? You’re going to help me get back at Jim.”
From Angela: The 2009 Preliminary Report for the Party-Planning Committee
From Kevin: Another copy of American Pie 2 (The other is at Creed’s apartment.)
From Meredith: A bottle of Diet Coke (Creed assumed it was laced with whiskey. Sadly, just diet coke.)
From Toby: A file of redacted complaints concerning Angela and Dwight
From Stanley: A picture of Stanley’s daughter he used to have hanging next to his desk (Creed doesn’t see what Michael made a fuss about.)
From Phyllis: An almost finished knitted oven mit for Pam as a wedding gift
From Pam: He’s trying to figure out who Pam is so that he can steal something from her.
From the Red Head: A “Save-the-Date” invitation enclosed in an enveloped marked “To Jim”
From Dwight: A very ugly bobblehead (Dwight has been noticeably stressed searching for the missing figurine. Of course, Jim is the suspect to Creed’s amusement.)
From Michael: A notebook of poems including “Ode to Jan,” “The Boss of My Heart,” and “Rejoice! Gould is Gone!”
Among the various items in Creed’s desk is a picture which reveals Creed’s past. The picture is of a man standing in an office holding an orange bucket above his head. The orange bucket has duct tape as labels. On one of the labels the title, “The Billy Cup” is written in marker. On another label are the initials, J.V.C. and the year 1999. This picture is the only reminder that Creed keeps of his past, his life before the Federal Government placed him into the Witness Protection Program.
After the band went bust in the early 80’s, Creed found himself in search of a job. He became a Quality Analyst testing various forms of software. In the late 90’s, he landed a job in an office which played games whenever they released the software. Creed called everyone Billy, and to honor his quirkiness, his officemates created “The Billy Cup”. The last year before J.V.C. became Creed, he won “The Billy Cup”.
There are still remnants of J.V.C embedded in other items in Creed’s desk, including a gallon-sized Ziploc bag full of medications and a bag of popcorn to pop at 10:15 am.
Aside from the usual junk that guys keep in their desk drawers (receipts from lunch that never get written into the checkbook, rubber bands that are so old that they snap if you try to put them around anything, various sized paper clips, pens that have run out of ink, etc.), there are a few other interesting items in Creed’s desk. Upon opening the bottom right drawer (top right is reserved for the mung bean sprouts, of course), you’ll find well-worn copies of two books: James McGregor’s “One Billion Customers: Lessons from the Front Lines of Doing Business in China” alongside “Chinese Etiquette & Ethics in Business” by Boye Lafayette De Mente. Creed’s love for the Asian culture, along with his desire to bring his own quality assurance skills up to par with his Chinese counterparts, make these books a constant source of encouragement and challenge. But if you hear him chuckle from his desk at lunchtime while reading a book, you’ll find neither of those in his hands. Yeah, that would be “The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook,” which he lifted from Dwight’s desk drawer.
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