I can’t think of a better way to conclude our little iPod Giveaway Contest than with the musical stylings of Scrantonicity.
The final question of the contest comes from Dunder Mifflin’s own Kevin Malone:
What song would you most like to hear from Scrantonicity, where, and why?
Please note: Kevin is a singing drummer …
You have until Saturday, August 19th at 11:59pm Pacific Time to add a comment. Please follow the rules!
P.S. Kev, I am so sorry for calling you at work! — I heard Angela yelling at you in the background for taking personal calls. Of course, Angela has called me inappropriate once before, so I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. Sorry for harshin’ your mellow, dude.
In the Air Tonight – Phil Collins
June 10, Poor Richard’s
So the wedding is postponed and Pam drowns her sorrows at Poor Richard’s that night instead. Luckily, Scrantonicity was able to book the bar after Pam’s wedding was postponed — what better way to “celebrate” than with depressing songs. And what better way for Kevin to show his amazing drummer/singer talents than to cover a song by drummer/singer Phil Collins? This way, he can be the star while also getting out any pent-up frustration he has towards Angela during the day by singing a song about watching a guy drown. Awesome! Plus, as an added bonus, he gets to subtlely hint to Pam that he knows why she really postponed the wedding.
“Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off the grin, I know where you’ve been
It’s all been a pack of lies”
And this is when we, the viewers, suddenly realize “Oh snap! Kevin saw The Kiss! He saw what they did with his own two eyes! He knows!”
Song: “Every Breath You Take”, The Police (well, they’re a Police cover band afterall :D)
Where: The Scranton Chili’s
Why: As a tuneup, Scrantonicity plays at Pam’s wedding shower at the Chili’s. Jim shows up outside and watches through the window briefly as Kevin plays the song. Then, Jim leaves and heads to the Stamford branch.
A bummer I know, and I’m rooting for “JAM,” but I think it’s a scene that would work with the song.
It’s been an eventful year in the offices of Dunder Mifflin. Everyone has gathered for a celebratory party in the Scranton office and the mood is festive.
Angela is dressed to kill in a silver mini-skirt and boots. Meeeow! She is laughing heartily at one of Creed’s tales of the road. Oscar arrives with his lovely lady; he smiles as she whispers something in his ear. Phyllis is, as usual, entertaining a small group with her witty observations.
As the band sets up, its drummer is reflective about the past few months. People coming and going, new friends, and a lot of laughs along with the tedium that comes with the job. A chant begins, low then louder, “Scrantonicity. Scrantonicity!”
With that, the band breaks into its signature number. “De do do do, de da…”
The band is rockin’ tonight.
As the song ends, a man steps forward with a surprised smile and an extended hand.
“I was just dropping by, but I think I’ll stick around. That was powerful, Brian. Glad Rashida invited me. When you’re done with this set, let’s talk.”
As John gives Jenna a high-five, Brian’s stunned delight shows in his impish smile.
“Shhhure thing, Quincy.”
Song: When the World Is Running Down by The Police (I mean it IS a Police Cover Band so it would be realistic to hear one of their songs)
Where: Chili’s a going away party for Jim
Why: Because once Pam hears the song she’ll realize how monotonous and depressing her life is with Roy and finally takes a chance with Jim because the lines
“When the world is running down
You make the best of what’s still around”
And Jim does that for her
What would be better than seeing Kevin and the rest of Scrantonicity take the moonwalk down to Lake Wallenpaupack and flipping that cool cat hat of his to the tune of “Thriller”? Nothing, that’s what. He may need to invite a certain LittleBoyLover boss of his down for the show for some real action. And those fireworks of Dwight’s?
An office night out, watching the Lake light up with liquor and Kevin Malone dancing backwards with a flip of his hat. Cause this is thriller, thriller night. You know it’s thrilllllllller, thrillllller night. Why Thriller? Kevin is the only one with the stamina to pull this off- with the beautiful vocal chords. He might need to suck down some helium to match Jackson’s pitch, but I have faith he can do it.
Scrantonicity is known for playing songs by the police. They decide to play one of the songs that reached the top of the charts. Scrantonicity played “King of Pain” by the Police. Kevin know to be a silent worker and has to manage with all the crap that Angela gives him through the days, weeks and years he has been at Dundler Muffin.
If I picked a song for Scrantonicity to sing it would be ‘I Was Brought to My Senses’. While not a Police song, it is a Sting song, and they like to cover a few of his own songs as well.
The location is out in the town plaza of Scranton and the only people really there are Stacy and a few of the others from the office. After singing the song, Kevin asks Stacy to marry him. Of course after lyrics like this:
I was brought to my senses
I was blind but now that I can see
Every signpost in nature
Said you belong to me
how could she not say yes!
It would really have to be “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic”, because that song describes perfectly how Jim feels about Pam, although Jim clearly has worked up the nerve to do more than just pine.
“Though I’ve tried before to tell her
of the feelings I have for her in my heart,
every time that I come near her,
I just lose my nerve as I’ve done from the start.
Every little thing she does is magic.
Everything she does just turns me on.
Even though my life before was tragic,
now I know my love for her goes on.”
Ideally, Scrantonicity would get to play this song at Pam and Jim’s wedding.
Song: “Times Like These” by The Foo Fighters
Place: Roof of Dunder Mifflin
After tragically losing their lead singer, Tom “Bert” Cobane to suicide (Dunder Mifflin really does need better outreach for employees fighting depression), Kevin’s old band broke up. About a year later, he decided to form his own band, keeping his role as drummer, and adding the role of lead singer. He actually played every instrument and recorded all the vocals in the studio, but realized after a disastrous first gig that it would be nearly impossible to do live shows alone. Thus, Scrantonicity was formed. After hearing of Jim’s transfer to Stamford, the guys decide to throw a tribute concert. It would have been a going away concert, had Jim actually told anyone that he was going away. Usually a Police cover band, they decide that their cover band should do a cover, and play “Times Like These” by the Foo Fighters as an encore. Meredith, the lone audience member, holds up a lighter.
I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?
It’s time for another Scrantonicity band practice in Kevin’s garage. It’s a rehearsal for Pam’s wedding, which is scheduled for next week. After practicing a couple of groovy tunes, the other band members ask Kevin if he has an idea for a song. Kevin, with one of his signature smiles, suggests “Breakfast in America” by Supertramp. Despite the quizzical looks and “inappropriate for a wedding” comments, Kevin decides that it’ll just be a song for fun. No problem. They agree and start the song:
Take a look at my girlfriend
She’s the only one I got
Not much of a girlfriend
Never seem to get a lot
Take a jumbo cross the water
Like to see America
See the girls in California
I’m hoping it’s going to come true
But there’s not a lot I can do
Nice. That song is going to be perfect for the reception. Anyways, they’ll be married. What harm can it do?
SCRATONICITY WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU FOR AN EXCLUSIVE PERFORMANCE!
WHERE: THE SCRANTON DUNDER MIFFLIN WAREHOUSE!
WHY: BECAUSE WE ARE THE SNAZZIEST BAND IN TOWN! HURRY, BEFORE WE ARE SUED FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!
GET A SNEAK PEAK AT OUR NEWEST SONG, “STACEY”!
Stacey – THE ORIGINAL SONG WRITTEN KEVIN MALONE
Oh, Stacey.
How I love to look at your face-y.
And you love how I’m so lazy,
Stacey.
Because, Stacey,
You’re so fine.
Oh, yes.
You blow my mind.
Oh, Stacey!
Near, far,
Wherever you are,
I believe that my heart will go on!
(Unless I eat too many Cup-o’-noodles,
Then I will bid you a short “Toodles”.)
Sta-ceeeeey.
You are my girl.
And I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day.
I’ve even got the month of May
With my girl.
Stacey, I’m so glad that you’re mine,
So hit me baby
One more time.
Okay, I gotta hear “Barby Girl” by Aqua. This song needs to be towards Angela, of course. He can sing it at the next Christmas party, and give her a little plastic Barby to remind her of him. The lyrics are a little suggestive, but that’s what Kevin is all about. Niiiiceee.
“I’m a Barby girl,
In a Barby world.
I am plastic,
It’s fantastic
You can brush my hair
. . .everywhere” (not gonna say it.)
Can’t you just imagine Angela’s face when that song starts to play?
Once Angela stops crying or giving a death glare at Kevin, Dwight can come to her rescue. OR!! Dwight can sing the male part of that song
“C’mon Barby, let’s go party!”
Oh yeah, I really want to hear Dwight sing! That would be frickin’ sweet.
Being a big Harry Potter fan and an Office fan I think I would love to hear Scrantonicity play Every little thing she does is MAGIC! I’d invite them to play at my next birthday bash and I’d tell Kevin not to bring his fiancee.
Since Kevin strikes me as the character most likely to be a stalker, I think that Scrantonicity should perform: “Every Breath You Take”, from The Police’s 1983 album, “Synchronicity”
This one will be performed, late at night, secretly in Kevin’s garage, since he has hidden his stalking tendencies for years.
After Pam’s last minute cancellation of her June 10th wedding plans, Scrantonicity decides to play the VA anyway, and end up crashing the Fineman bar mitzvah. Thanks to their show-stopping performance there, they begin to regularly book gigs for parties, weddings, etc. and become well, good. It takes time, but it happens, and Jim is happy to book Scrantonicity for the Beesly/Halpert nuptials in 2011.
Song request – Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell”
Last night a little dancer came dancin’ to my door
Last night a little angel Came pumpin cross my floor
She said “Come on baby I got a licence for love
And if it expires pray help from above”
In the midnight hour she cried- “more, more, more”
With a rebel yell she cried- “more, more, more”
In the midnight hour babe- “more, more, more”
With a rebel yell- “more, more, more”
More, more, more.
I would like to see scrantonicity play Hallelujah by the late great Jeff Buckley. It’s a great song that requires a lot of emotion, a strong singing voice, and also no drummer, so it would be funny to see kevin awkwardly sit on stage during the performance. Either that or The Joker, ’cause that’s a cool song and Kev is bound to know it.
Kevin: Hello Pennswood Manor Assisted Living Community!! Scrantonicity is really excited to play your Valentine’s Dance. This is like really, really…really big for the band. And since this is your special night, we want to let you request the first song. Also, I kind of forgot to bring the set list, so….
Lindsay: Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me!
Kevin: Mmm, okay. The old lady in the back. (Blank stares.) Sorry, the one in the purple dress.
Lindsay: I would like you to play “Don’t Stop Believin'” by Journey, because even though we are very old and cannot control our bladders, we have never given up. And I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can’t think of a song I’d rather break my hip to than this one! (Crowd cheers!) Plus, I can see that you boys have never given up on your dreams, either. You had to beat out the Wilkes Barre Windpipes for this gig, and you did it! No matter what, never stop believing! (Crowd cheers!)
Kevin: … You are SO awesome. You just picked my seventh favorite song of all time.
Hit it!
1…1…1, 2, 3, 4!
What: “Sweet Caroline”
Where: at my funeral
Why: because if I could hear them play it, it would mean I’m not really dead. And it’s a happy sing-along song, so everybody would get up and dance and sing. And my non-funeral would turn into a karaoke party ;-)
I gotta see them perform Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” and have kevin doing the moonwalk and Pam and Jims wedding to get the party started.
Kev, I would love to hear The Police’s “Roxanne”. I really think it would showcase your apparent talent to master a tango ska beat whilst at the same time hitting a high tenor note with ease. (My spine shivers with anticipation to hear you sing “Put on the red light!”) And, to me, there’s no place more appropriate to sing this ballad of a prostitute than at the local VFW Fish Fry Friday. Those World War II vets will surely recall their romantic experiences during their lonely nights in Vichy France.
Song: Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic by The Police
Where: Pam and Roy’s wedding
Why: Scrantonicity should play this song by The Police as a secret gesture to Pam from Jim that he still loves her. The first lyrics of the song,
“Though I’ve tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I’ve done from the start”
perfectly describe Jim’s state of mind and feelings before he confessed his love. Pam would realized she can’t even hear a song at her wedding without thinking of Jim and realize her love for him. She’d run off to find him, Jim would willingly accept her feelings (although late..) and that would end up being be “their song.”
It’s a Tuesday night, and Scrantonicity has gotten a real gig! They gave their demo tape to the owner of Poor Richards, and he said they could have a shot at playing a weeknight gig. Of course, Kevin made everyone in the office promise to come. The band was supposed to go on at 9:00pm, but due to technical difficulties, it’s almost 10 by the time they begin their set. At this point, Michael has had a few Pina Coladas, and has flung his arm around Carol’s shoulder, singing along to all the cover songs. After a frenzied drum solo, Kevin announces that there will be one more song before they head out for the night:
“Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world…” Kev closes his eyes and begins to belt out Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”.
Michael perks up and starts loudly exclaiming to Jim, “This is it, man! This is going to be your song! It’s so romantic! And “don’t stop believing,” Jim… go tell Pam that you love her!!!” Pam, standing only a few yards away, heard Michael’s exclamation. She looked up and Jim and blushed. He gave her a goofy grin and shrugged…
Scrantonicity plays at the disastrous fall company barbeque, where the Dwangela secret is ousted. They rock the Sting classic “Brand New Day” and only the two lovers understand how appropriate it is to their relationship. The lyrics also inspire our favorite receptionist and transferred salesman to realize just how much they’ve missed each other.
You’re the crop to my rotation
(“It’s a pretty nice little farm.”)
You’re the sum of my equation
(“That is unacceptable.” “I agree, that is unacceptable.”)
I’m the answer to your question
(“Where were you yesterday after work?”)
If you follow my suggestion
(“If you have any sensitive e-mails, they need to be deleted immediately.”)
We can turn this ship around
(“Do you want us to run aground, woman?”)
We’ll go up instead of down
(“Someone totally rocked the house and got me the best present I’ve ever gotten.”)
You’re the pan and I’m the handle
(“No cookie!”)
You’re the flame and I’m the candle
(“My animal deserves a lot of loving.”)
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
We’re starting up a brand new day
I know they think I’m just big dumb Kevin, sitting back in Accounting, surfing inappropriate Web sites. Nice guy, but clueless, right? Fine, I like it that way. Besides, I’ve got a cool girlfriend, and I’m in a band. I’m a pretty cool guy, and a lot smarter than people think – a genius, even.
I’m smart enough to know why Pam backed out last-minute on Scrantonicity’s biggest gig. So when the Dunder-Mifflin crew and the bride’s side headed to Poor Richard’s, I got the owner to let us play for half the door and free drinks and convinced Halpert to come see us play. He was just sitting home thinking of excuses why he never went to Australia.
When he saw Pam drowning her sorrows in something she called “second drinks,” we ripped into Genesis’s “Follow You, Follow Me.”
I will follow you. Will you follow me?
All the days and nights that we know will be.
I will stay with you. Will you stay with me?
Just one single tear with each passing year.
I’m a genius – a genius matchmaker that is. Those two never stood a chance. Boy, for a drummer, Phil Collins sure could sing.
Song: Ants Marching, Dave Matthews Band
Venue: Lobby of Hampton Inn Scranton at Montage Mountain
After another unsuccessful bid to become the opening gig at Ford Pavilion at Montage Mountain (formerly the Montage Mountain performing arts center), Kevin uses his connection with the night manager at the hotel to do a set for the guests. After performing their catalog of Police covers to a crowd of three, Kevin dedicates the last song to all the office workers out there. Why this song? According to Kevin: “It has an awesome drum solo in the beginning. Sometimes I’ll stretch it for five minutes. The crowd loves it when I do that…”
“Mambo No. 5”- Lou Bega
Carol’s Son’s Birthday Party
By convincing Kevin to have Scrantonicity play at Carol’s son’s birthday party, Michael charms his new girlfriend and Scrantonicity gets some much-needed young fans. Since the birthday boy was born more than a decade after the Police released “Synchronicity,” he requests current Top 40 hits. Kevin, a secret hip hop fan, is pleased to expand his repertoire and show off his falsetto with his rendition of Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy,” but Michael, self-absorbed as he is, requests to sing lead on his favorite go-to song, “Mambo No. 5.”
kev, are you playing roy’s “still-a-bachelor” party?
those can be tricky. the guys are all “forget that %&*)_*$!, you’re a free man!” but, one wrong song and the guest-of-honor’s blubbering “i can’t believe she’s gone!”
maybe you should take the edge off some of those police tunes. you know, party ’em up.
‘king of pain,’ for instance. we could brighten it up. make it fun. up tempo. let’s see…dude! a “king of pain polka!” ooo, ooo! “the king of pain mariachi polka” it would be like “…it’s my destiny,” oomp-pa, oomp-pa, “to be the king of pain” arriba, arriba! now, that’s a party song, ese. you betcha!
now, can you do sexy? i mean barry white sexy cause, “bed’s too big without you” could be hot, kev. kno’m sayin?
“can’t stand losing you?” hmmm…. I’m seeing a barney, sort of, hip-hop turn on that. everyone will be so blown away by that big bouncing purple suit they won’t even remember what that song was.
you get the idea. so, see what you can do with “so lonely,” and “driven to tears.”
but, “murder by numbers?” hmmm… barney, encore?
“Baby got Back” by Sir Mix-a-lot. That song relates to Kevin, and can you just imagine the look he’s gonna get from Angela?! Just wait till you find out that he played it at Pam’s wedding (if it ever happened). Or even better, Angela’s wedding with Dwight.
“I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You other brothers can’t deny.
When a girl walk in with an ity bity waist, and that round thing in your face you get sprung!”
Ha, ha , ha! Just picture it.
I’ll be watching you, Scrantonicity, play “Every Breath You Take” at my 15-year high school reunion next year. My former classmates will blankly stare at you, wondering why they are listening to a song that came out when we were 9 years old, not when we were in high school. I will be the guy no one knows who is jamming to the song, but everyone else will exit the Scranton Ballroom at the Radisson Lackawanna Station Hotel Scranton and go home. Sorry, Kevin.
For Abby’s (Stacey’s daughter) next birthday party, Scrantonicity should play “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper. Why? Not only would it embarrass Abby to no end, Kevin would probably manage to slaughter an already awful song.
Perfect Scrantonicity moment:
It’s a few years down the road; the Office storylines are wrapping up happily: Jim and Pam are free of their other romantic entanglements and Michael has just found out that the Scranton branch is #1 in Dunder-Mifflin sales. It’s party time!
Cars are moved out of the parking lot – Scrantonicity sets up there to play. They run through their Police and Steve Miller material. Then they go into Nick Lowe’s “Cruel to Be Kind.” Kevin plays it as a tribute to Dwight and Angela’s kinky, slap-happy bedroom antics. The band Americanizes the British hit with powerful drumming, and Creed sitting in on guitar. Michael proves himself the Boss of Dancing, yelling, “Come on! Swaying’s not dancing, people!” Jim and Pam smile. After all, this is the magic parking lot where they ended their first “date,” and where Jim confessed his love. The lyrics remind them of the awkward friendship/love thing they were going through back then.
The irresistible pop song grabs everyone. Jim and Pam share a playful dance, knowing they were meant to be together. Dwight asks Angela for a dance; she says, “No!” and Pam cracks up.
Not a bad day.
Kevin was feeling down on himself after Pam and Roy’s wedding was cancelled. Kev had even splurged for new sticks! After hearing the news, he headed down to Poore Richard’s to drown his sorrows when Phyllis and Bob Vance strolled in. After gossiping a bit about Pam and Roy, Phyllis realized she hadn’t seen Kevin this depressed since she got all the clovers on Casino Night. So she told Kevin that they’d like Scrantonicity to play at THEIR wedding.
Kevin had the greatest song to play at the wedding. Since chilling things is Bob’s line of work, and the lyrics described Dunder-Mifflin so well:
License to Chill (Jimmy Buffett)
Work, work, work
Big pile of it and the boss is a jerk.
I just want to disappear
Wishin’ I was somewhere other than here.
Livin’ for the weekend,
Jumpin’ off the deep end,
With just enough money to buy
A license to chill
And I believe I will
Let the rat race run, roll around in the sun until
Trouble turns funny, songs get sung
A little bit of money, the night’s still young
Leave me alone I’ve got a license,
A license to chill
Song: “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley
Where: Oscar’s backyard
When: The song is played at Oscar’s surprise birthday party thrown by Oscar’s “friend” (who was previously seen briefly when Dwight investigated whether Oscar was faking a sick day). The band is hired because the original band fell through, and Oscar’s friend knew he could probably hire Scrantonicity at a moment’s notice.
Why it’s funny to me: a middle-aged garage band who prefers 80’s rock classic trying to play a current Top 40 hit is just funny (in a sad way).
I would like to hear “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” from the Scrantonicity demo tape that Pam and Jim watched. I have created a Scrantonicity demo tape drinking game and would like to invite some friends over for a fun evening. A few of the events qualifying for a drink are below.
Drink when
-the camera goes off Kevin
-“special effects” are used
-you see a woman on the tape
-they play a song not by the Police
-any band member has a solo
Where: poor Richard’s
Song: It’s Gonna Be Me by N’Sync
Its karaoke night at Poor Richard’s and the whole gang is there. Roy let Pam go out with the gang, on one condition: Angela stays with Pam the whole time. Jim and Pam share a table, and Angela soon leaves to go off with Dwight, not thinking anything of leaving Pam with Jim. Jim has a few drinks in him and gets up enough confidence to go up to the DJ and put in the song. A few turns pass by, including Michael’s always favorite Islands in the Stream. Jim’s song comes up and Pam is nervous. As soon as the first few bars play EVERYONE knows exactly what it is, and Pam is overjoyed because she secretly loves N’Sync! Jim finishes the song, and returns to the table. After about twenty minutes, Angela goes back to find that Pam is no where to be found, Jim’s car is missing and Roy is calling wondering where Pam is. Angela not knowing what to do, decides to protect Pam since Pam is always protecting Dwangela. Roy thinks Pam is with Angela. We the audience know better. :)
This time, the Dundies are held at Poor Richard’s, and Michael has hired Scrantonicity to play, relieving Dwight of his “I’ve got wrap-up music and I’m not afraid to use it” duties. Among the many Dundies given out that night, Michael gives Creed the “If you are taking the elevator, I should take the stairs” Dundie. Scrantonicity immediately breaks into “Don’t Stand so Close to Me.”
Michael decides to hold a soirée for representatives of 50 area businesses that used to have their paper supplied by Dunder Mifflin. He hopes that he and the sales staff will be able to convince some of them to once again give their business to Dunder Mifflin. Since there will be too many people to hold the event at Chili’s, it’s instead held in the Station Ballroom at the Radisson. The night includes dinner, business presentations, and entertainment provided by Dunder Mifflin employees.
Lonny from the warehouse does a stand-up comedy routine and he gets a lot of laughs. Creed takes the stage and announces that he’ll be doing some magic. He then requests a $20 bill from the audience which he says he’ll make disappear. Someone gives him one and he makes good on his word by walking off the stage and leaving. It’s silent for a little bit but then everyone starts laughing. The highlight of the entertainment though is Scrantonicity. They perform several songs, the most memorable of which is “Working for the Weekend” by Loverboy. It is quite entertaining to see the usually lethargic Kevin perform such an energetic song.
Stacy looks radiant in her peach satin dress and sparkling smile. She gazes around the reception hall at her and Kevin’s loved ones, then down to the wedding ring that Kevin slipped onto her finger two hours before. “I’m finally Mrs. Malone,” she breathes to herself.
Lovingly, she looks over at her new husband who’s talking with his fellow Scrantonicity band mates. The band has agreed to provide the night’s musical entertainment, free of charge, and a friend will be replacing Kevin on the drums for the evening.
As Stacy turns to speak with her cousin, Kevin taps on the microphone and all heads swivel to see him sitting behind the drums. “Excuse me, everyone,” he yells excitedly. “It’s time for the traditional bride and groom’s first dance, and since it’s pretty much the highlight of the night, I thought I’d make it extra special.” Kevin taps his sticks together and begins to perform the Fountains of Wayne song, ‘Stacy’s Mom.’
“Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on…”
Stacy stares, open-mouthed, as everyone turns to look at her. “Well, I did say for better or worse,” she stammers loudly, as the word ‘annulment’ flashes into her thoughts.
Jim had been feeling sorry for Kevin lately. First off, Pam’s wedding was postponed, then cancelled, so Scrantonicity’s hopes for a big break went down the drain. Then Kevin’s fiancée Stacey wanted to “take a break.” It seems that Stacey mistakenly suspects that all of Kevin’s complaining about Angela is hiding a secret affair. (“Stacey, that couldn’t be farther from the truth…I mean, she’s hot, but she’s a terrifying person.”) And then there was that thing with gambling the company’s petty cash…So when it came time for Jim to throw his second annual BBQ, he immediately chose Scrantonicity over karaoke this year. After all, Kevin’s been a good friend to him – offering to “get his back” if Roy ever finds out about “The Kiss.” Right.
Most of the songs played in the backyard that night were from “The Police,” but in a gesture of true friendship, Kevin and the guys had secretly learned to play “Sing” by Travis, banjo and all. Jim looked up in surprise when the song started and gave Kevin a grin and a thumbs up sign. Pam commented, “Hey, this is a good song to sway to.”
“Yes, it is, Pam. Yes, it is. Shall we?”
The Beatles, “Act Naturally”:
After Scrantonicity has a few shows under it’s belt (yep, they finally learned how to play in public), the group will discover that they are waaay too talented to limit themselves to just Police songs. And yet, not talented enough to write their own material; thus, Scrantonicity becomes a general cover band. Each band member gets to choose a solo song, and Kevin decides to pick a song originally sung by one of the other great singing drummers in the world: Ringo Starr. Kevin’s self-deprecating solo on The Beatles’ “Act Naturally” (“They’re gonna put me in the movies/They’re gonna make a big star out of me/ We’ll make a film about a man that’s sad and lonely/ And all I gotta do is act naturally”) goes over so well with Scrantonicity fans that Kevin starts believing the lyrics to the song, and quits the band and his job to pursue an acting career. Kevin is back working at Dunder Mifflin inside of a month.
With all of the glamourous celebrities around, Scrantonicity decided that they needed to bring back songs from a while back. So they practice in one of the band members’ basement — Copacabana by Barry Manilow.
Abby hides in the corner of the Lackawanna County Youth Center as Kevin shouts, “Happy Birthday Abby, this one goes out to all the guys out there…1, 2, 3, 4!”
The music starts and the whole office crew is there. Kevin sent an Evite to everyone – even Jan showed up. No one is really sure what song is playing until the chorus hits:
“Oh-oh, here she comes, watch out boy she’ll chew you up
Oh-oh, here she comes, she’s a maneater…”
An uncomfortable silence hits the co-workers, as Jim, Ryan, Dwight, and Michael cautiously glance at their respective lady friends: Pam, Kelly, Angela, and Jan… and Carol, who are all sulking. These gals want to dance.
Pam grabs Jim and they shake it up a little. Then Kelly and Ryan. Even Jan, Carol and Michael. Dwight walks towards Angela, but he walks right past her to the outlet and unplugs the speakers.
He turns to the crowd, “You all should be ashamed of yourselves. My Uncle Alexander was eaten alive. How, you may ask? Well kids, just remember, never open the cage of a rabid Kimono Dragon unless you know for sure it’s subdued. Otherwise you’ll be endangered.”
Since Pam’s wedding got called off, Kevin has been looking for any other means to showcase his and his band’s talent… So naturally when the local AA chapter called looking for a band to perform at its ‘5 years sober anniversary party’ for one of their members, Kevin couldn’t pass the offer.
Right away he started thinking of the play list, mostly 80’s flash backs (of course) but his opening song would be his best work ever… His very own version of ‘whip it’ by Divo, he has been trying many ways to turn ‘Whip it’ into ‘quit it’
now ‘quit’ it
into shape
shape it up
get straight
go forward
move ahead
try to detect it
it’s not too late
to ‘quit’ it
into shape
shape it up
get straight
go forward
move ahead
try to detect it
it’s not too late
to ‘quit’ it
’quit’ it good
… however he forgot all the lyrics as the nights honoree is presented on stage… to his surprise it is Meridith
It’s 2011 and Dunder Mifflin has finally closed down a branch. So now it’s time for a party – a New Years Party!
Because of the great job Scrantonicity did at a wedding a few years ago and the wonderful streak of three shows a year they have done since, they have been asked to be the entertainment for the evening. Luckily, they were able to squeeze it in to their hectic tour schedule. The play list you ask? Remade covers.
“Don’t Fear the Paper” to Don’t Fear the Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult
“No Sleep ‘till Scranton” to No Sleep ‘till Brooklyn – Beastie Boys
“Mama Said Three-Hole-Punched” to Mama Said Knock You Out – LLCoolJ
“It’s A Cubicle Day” to It’s A Beautiful Day – U2
And Kevin’s favorite of the evening:
“It Ain’t Easy Being Reamed” to It Ain’t Easy Being Green – Kermit the Frog
Because tonight was also coinciding with the prescreening showing of “Office Life – The Documentary”. The closing song needed no rewording. As the music begins to play, everyone starts to show just a hint of a smile as Kevin begins to sing:
“I always feel like somebody’s watching me…” (Rockwell/Michael Jackson)
An excerpt from the June 23, 2009 issue of the “Wilkes-Barre Times Leader”:
The Police cover band, Scrantonicity, lead by drummer/lead singer Kevin Malone, delivered the only poor performance of the Froggy 101 New Rock Revolution Battle of the Bands with an awful rendition of Nena’s “99 Luftballoons”.
With his voice constantly trembling and cracking, Malone stumbled through every line of the classic tune, and had to stop the song momentarily after the line “Und fuehlten sich gleich angemacht” crippled him with laughter.
Technical difficulties also hampered the performance. The lead guitarist kicked his own amp off the stage during an improvised solo, injuring two unimpressed onlookers.
Rumor has it that if unsuccessful at the Battle of the Bands, this would be the band’s last appearance together. Five words for these guys: Don’t quit your day jobs.
(Zero stars out of five)
Kevin and his band Scrantonicity have a really important gig coming up in the next few weeks. They are determined to get as much live practice in before the big event. No pre-event gig will be too small.
Kevin enters his garage and hears the rest of his band mates practicing for one of their in-between gigs. “We’re a happy fam-i-ly” is belted out by the lead singer.
Gig 1 – Kevin is struggling to make it through the last set. His outfit is itchy and hot. “We want Barney! We want Barney!” can be heard from twenty 6-year-olds. It’s time to go sign autographs!
Gig 2 – A piece of birthday cake hits Kevin in the face. “Heeeey,” he responds. They start playing the next song, “Rubber Ducky… you’re the one”. It’s one of Kevin’s favorite shower songs and the sugar-hyped 5-year-olds seem to like it too.
The Big Gig – Scrantonicity is stoked! Kevin is a little nervous because of the country songs they recently added. Tim McGraw’s “I like it, I love it” is the fourth song they play. The crowd is on their feet screaming, “I want some more of it”.
Kevin and his Scrantonicity bandmates were nervously excited about taking the platform at Phyllis and Bob VanceVanceRefrigeration’s engagement party. While it was a great first gig, they didn’t normally do hip hop. Kevin figured that for Phyllis and a $69 check, they’d try anything.
A pulsing bass and drum line started. The small crowd cheered as they recognized the song.
“Lala. La. La. Laaa,” sang Kev with slightly flat intonation. “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours…”
When the documentary crew asked Phyllis about selecting Kelis’s “Milkshake,” she smiled sweetly. “Oh, gosh, I don’t know. Bobby and I just love milkshakes,” she replied with a knowing twinkle in her eye.
Song: Bang on the Drum by Todd Rundgren
Where: The Annual Dunder Mifflin Picnic
Michael hires Scrantonicity to play for the annual picnic. Kevin tells Michael that he has a special song prepared for the picnic to follow the speeches by Jan and Michael. Kevin wants to pull a fast one on Michael and Jan.
Michael: Today is a great day for Dunder Mifflin, and boy do we have reason to celebrate! This year, thanks to all of your hard work, has been a record year of improvement for the company.
Jan: (aside to Michael) Well, that’s not exactly true, Michael. (back to crowd) We are proud of your work, though.
Michael: Yes, we are… and what better way to celebrate than to have our very own Kevin Malone in the house with his local band, Scrantonicity. I understand our buddy Kev has put together a little something special. This is a salute to you and about our journey as an office– a family– together. Take it away, Kev!
Kevin and the Band: I don’t wanna work. I just wanna bang on the drum all day! I don’t wanna play. I just wanna bang on the drum all day!
Kevin, talking head: I love those lyrics. It’s kind of my theme song.
Michael tricks corporate into giving him the money for a “Scissors, Paper, & Rock-taking risks in business” seminar, “The paper is in the warehouse, I’ll bring scissors, and the rock will be Scrantonicity!” Kevin almost pulls out a few times because Michael insists on singing some songs with them. After rejecting Michael’s version of “Hollaback Girl” where he replaced the “b-a-n-a-n-a-s” with “S-c-r-a-n-t-o-n”, even though Kevin really wanted to show off his drumming talents with that song, they finally decide on one.
The night of the big event Michael takes the stage with Scrantonicity for his big number. Michael tells everybody they can always count on him as their boss for doing “this for them” as Scrantonicity busts out with the Beastie Boys “You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party” which everybody joins in singing the chorus.
It was really hard to get Michael off the stage because he wanted to sing another song. They played Rick James “Super Freak” and got him on the dance floor, which he proclaimed himself as “still the boss of dancing”.
The gig that would’ve meant the most to the future of Scrantonicity would, of course, have happened June 10, 2006: Pam and Roy’s wedding. Whether they were confirmed for this event—and whether this event even occurred—is unknown to the general public. But had they been the reception band, as a nod to another singing drummer, they could’ve played a cover of “Tonight, Tonight, Tonight” by Genesis. C’mon, it’s a wedding reception. Everybody’s looking at the bride and groom, so “tonight” is already on everybody’s minds. Another, more sedate choice for the reception would’ve been Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over.”
If this gig didn’t happen, the guys could try and get on stage about a half an hour down the road at Slainte! Under The Tower (formerly Murray’s Inn), a pub in nearby Wilkes-Barre. Again, with a tip of the hat to singing drummers, they could do a sweet cover of The Romantics’ “What I Like About You.” I understand Kevin Malone does a killer Jimmy Marinos, The Romantics’ drummer who sang lead on their big hit. It’s just a fun tune that would really pull the crowd in. Nice.
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