Give Me My Remote asks this week’s iPod Giveaway question:
What new pranks would you like to see Jim pull on Dwight in Season 3?
You have until July 16 at 5pm Pacific Time to add a comment. Please follow the rules!
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Where every day is Pretzel Day.
I’d like to see im trick Dwight into doing something to Michael, like egging his car or something like that. I don’t have time to make up something right now! I;’ve got to go to the movies!
put a lot of thought into this one…
jim paints no parking zone on dwights parking space so that dwight can no longer park there and is forced to park in another spot (maybe angelas????)
~heidi
Jim should progressively put office supplies in Dwight’s jacket and frame him for stealing.
MORE DETAILED…
At the end of the day as Dwight puts on his coat he will discover all these office supplies in his jacket and take them out one by one. Of course Michael will be standing nearby and will be furious and accuse Dwight of stealing. While Jim and Pam stand off to the side laughing hysterically, the other office members walk by nonchalantly except for Creed who walks by with a large, bulky coat full of…office supplies of course!
Jim pretends he is talking on the phone with customers with “street” lingo to get sales. When Jim tells Dwight he’s been gaining sales, Dwight tries doing it for real and fails miserably.
Jim will require Pam’s assistance with this one. Dwight needs relationship advice, and Jim offers “helpful” suggestions that will certainly annoy Angela. (Think along the lines of leather pants, body piercings, a tattoo perhaps?) Pam would be a second opinion — and since her advice worked so well on Valentine’s Day, Dwight would trust her. But maybe Jim and Pam don’t know Angela as well as they think, and the plan completely backfires…
Pranking on Dwight continues to provide Jim some degree of mental engagement at Dunder Mifflin in Season 3.
First, he puts Dwight on a variety of magazine subscription lists, including GQ, Men’s Health, Newsweek and Forbes. Dwight is incensed at receiving such “junk mail”.
Then Jim goes to Dwight’s Word program and instructs AutoCorrect to change every “Dwight” typed to “Dwigt.” Jim relishes the irony of this prank.
One rainy day, Jim fills Dwight’s umbrella with paintballs. On the way to a sales meeting, Dwight opens the umbrella and is viciously surprise-attacked by an unseen enemy. Umbrella – 87; Schrute – 0.
Next: Jim kidnaps Dwight’s bobblehead and emails Dwight photos of Little Dwight in precarious situations. The sight of his beloved mini-likeness strapped to a crossbow target is particularly upsetting, as Schrute knows well the damage a well-placed crossbow can inflict.
For his fifth act, Jim opens a Shrute email account, and sends co-worker Kelly friendly emails, asking her (as Dwight) to be his “special, secret friend.” Halpert bares “Dwight’s” soul in embarrassing ways, yet Kelly is intrigued. Against “Dwight’s” explicit instructions of maintaining secrecy, she corners him and plants another wet one on her oblivious and horrified co-worker.
HUMAN RESOURCE FILES
(And Floating Head responses from Jim Halpert)
My bobbleheads won’t bobble, and all of them look like Hitler. I suspect Jim Halpert.
JIM: [holds up a bottle of Elmer’s glue and a permanant marker]
I turned on my computer and my desktop picture was a picture of me shaking hands with Saddam Hussien. I have never even met Saddam Hussien.
JIM: Did you know that I have excellent photoshop skills?
Today, I received 17 phonecalls from men seeking male lovers. Apparently, I am the perfect candidate.
JIM: Thank you, Match.com!
My neck is green.
JIM: I just taped an uncapped marker to his back collar and asked him to demonstrate some neck exercises.
I do not like Jim Halpert.
JIM: And I love you, too, Dwight.
Jim should enlist others in the office to start hiding random places and pop out to scare Dwight. There would be nothing better than having Dwight’s paranoia level hit an all time high.
Jim has a fake phone conversation with someone who just found out they are pregnant. He goes over the symptoms with them while making sure Dwight is looking over. “Wow, this can happen anytime, can’t it? Birth control is always helpful. Oh, you DID use birth control?” Dwight gets afraid that Angela could possibly get pregnant anytime and he begins following her around, helping her lift things. Jim pushes the notion by mentioning things like “Angela doesn’t look too well today.” and “Aw, aren’t these online baby stores so fun to browse?” Dwight basically freaks out and Angela gets pissed off that he won’t stop supporting her weight. Things that would normally be miniscule with her, he thinks has to be from her being “pregnant” (like maybe she eats a lot that day or has a baggy shirt on). Boom baby BOOM!!!!
Dwight: “What are you whispering about?”
Jim: “Oh nothing. Just some office gossip. Wouldn’t interest you.”
Dwight: “Tell me now.”
Jim: “I don’t think–”
Dwight: “Tell me now or you will be fired effective immediately.”
Jim: “Well don’t tell anyone ’cause it’s a secret, but… I saw Angela playing footsie under the desk with Kevin.”
Dwight: “That’s impossible.”
Jim: “And apparently they’re going to dinner at Chili’s tonight.”
—
Dwight: “Question: How soon can I get Jim fired?”
Toby: “What did he do now?”
Dwight: “He switched my phone cord with Phyllis’ phone, so she has been receiving my calls all day long and stealing my sales. And I haven’t received any calls because everyone knows no one calls Phyllis except for her stupid boyfriend.”
—
Dwight: “Jim!!!!”
Jim: “Yes, Dwight.”
Dwight: “You did this!”
Jim: “Did what?”
Dwight: “My screensaver.”
Jim: (reading screen) “Beets suck.”
Dwight: “Why, Jim?”
Jim: “Wow, I thought you loved beets, Dwight.”
Dwight: “You have caused me to blaspheme against the entire life’s work of the Schrute brothers. You are so fired.”
Jim: “Can’t fire me.”
Dwight: “Yes, Jim, I can.”
Jim: “Nope.”
—
Jim: “Dwight, don’t forget we’re closed tomorrow for National Senpei Day.”
On an uninspired day, Dwight would come in to find his desk wrapped in tin foil. Everything. The stapler in the drawer, the bobble head [but the head wrapped separately so it will still bobble], and each pen and pencil individually wrapped.
On an inspired day, well, you know those little zen gardens for your desk with the sand, a tiny rake and the little stones? Dwight would find that his desk drawers have been turned into zen gardens. With sand. Lots of it. Not only will he have to dig through all of it to get scissors, his phone receiver, and his hanging file folders, but he’ll also have to deal with the little rakes Jim left on top for him as well as inspirational stones that will taunt him with words on them like Believe, Stregth, Love, Courage, and Calm. Dwight will be anything but calm. He’ll be finding sand in places he never knew existed for weeks.
Opening scene:
Pam aproaches Dwight’s desk, Jim is sitting at his desk looking busy.
Pam: Hey Dwight, your MySpace page is really cool.
Dwight: I don’t have a MySpace page.
Pam: Then who invited me to be on your friends list?
Dwight: (agitated, frantically typing at his keyboard) Jim!!!
Cut to interview with Pam: Last week Jim set up a MySpace page for Dwight. It was a slow week.
Interview with Jim: Yeah, it was real simple, added a lot of real personal information about Dwight, pictures, hobbies, dreams…
Cuts back to Dwight reading his page, with a beet red face…
Dwight: (reading) …enjoy snuggling with my cat…favorite sport…dancing…Errrgghh!
Cut to interview with Dwight: I know it was Jim that did this. He will not get away with it…how could he possibly know my favorite musician is Ani DiFranco???
Opening credits
Jim takes the bobblehead that Angela gave Dwight and replaces with a bobblehead that looks somewhat similar and burnt. Jim also takes the other bobbleheads on Dwight’s desk and hides them in the office. Dwight becomes furious at Jim because he loves the bobblehead. Jim puts the bobblehead in his car and Dwight finds it once work is over.
Also, Jim fixes Dwight’s chair so that the chair lowers each time he sits down. Everyone makes fun of him the whole day and he finally gets Jim to agree to fix it. Jim doesn’t fix it. The chair falls apart the next time Dwight sits down. Dwight gets a new chair since he doesn’t trust Jim anymore with his chair.
Aw…Jenna, Angela and now ME? I’m not worthy!!! I’m not worthy!!!
Jim (pretending to be some nameless Dunder-Mifflin representative) writes a fake letter to Dwight about a study that is being conducted by their insurance company on the effects of computer monitor radiation on men’s sperm count with all the males in the office. The letter asks Dwight to bring a sample into work the next day and drop it off with a nurse who will be in the conference room.
Dwight shows up the next day with a container asking Jim where the nurse is. Jim has no idea what he is talking about. Jim asks Dwight what he’s holding in his hand and Dwight says, “My sperm. Didn’t you get the letter about the computer moniter radiation study?”
I’d like to see Jim superglue shut all of Dwight’s desk drawers, the telephone to its base, the necks of all his bobbleheads (so they no longer can bobble), and any writing utensils in his pencil cup.
OR, Jim takes Scotch tape(or clear packing tape) and completely wraps Dwight’s desk.
Jim takes a picture of Dwight at work, explaining that he’s helping Pam put together a scrapbook.
DWIGHT: So how come you aren’t taking anyone else’s pictures?
JIM: I don’t want to waste film on those guys. This is all about you, Dwight.
Jim later takes it to a store that prints pictures on fake magazine covers, and–you guessed it–Dwight is suddenly on the cover of Playgirl. Jim shows it to Dwight, who he expects to become angry and/or relish in the fact that other people finally see him as a sex symbol.
But instead, Dwight sees it and inadvertently reveals his relationship with Angela to the entire office when he yells to her, “You sold them our pictures?!” The entire office is stunned, not to mention sick to their stomachs.
Jim would have to get someone like his roommate to help out on this so that Dwight wouldn’t recognize the voice. Dwight receives a call one morning from the a producer of the Montel Williams show saying that someone from his past would like to confront him or reunite with him on the show. They arrange airline tickets and hotel reservations. When Dwight asks who it is, the producer responds that he can’t give out any more information, and he’ll just have to wait until the show. Dwight responds with, “I knew this would happen someday” to Jim’s utter surprise and amusement.
One that Pam could help pull off is to leave a phone message for Dwight saying that Mr. Lyon would like him to return his call. The phone number is to the Scranton Zoo.
Jim hires a Dwight look a like to come and sit at his(Jims)desk all day to shadow the real Dwight. Everytime Dwight says something the fake one will repeat it.
Or Jim can replace the head of Dwights bobblehead with a doll head.
Okay, here’s a nice one. All you do is wait for the person’s birthday and then give them a birthday card with one of those fake lotto tickets in it. Dwight would think he won a lot of money, and probably make crazy threats that he was going to buy the place and fire Jim, or something of the like. You have to remember to write a birthday greeting, but not sign your name, and to send a second real card with your name signed. That way the person thinks it was someone who didn’t send them anything. I could see Dwight organizing a fake written exam to try and find handwriting that matches the card. Then, I don’t know, he would probably expect Michael or Stanley; those would be the funniest I think. That’s just off of the top of my head though.
Jim might have to sacrifice some sanity for this prank:
Jim would go out of his way to be friends with Michael. He would ask Michael if he wanted to go to Hooters with him for lunch. He would hang out with Michael in his office. He would even go so far as to suggest to Dwight that Michael offered to watch Battlestar Galactica with him over the weekend.
Dwight soon becomes jealous of their new-found friendship, especially since Michael has ignored him all day. Unbeknownst to Dwight, Jim has been talking business the whole time with Michael, but Dwight suspects otherwise.
The final straw: Jim tells Dwight that he better enjoy what little power he has left, because Michael will soon be giving Jim the title of Assistant Regional Manager. Dwight confronts Michael, discovering that Jim has been lying to him all day: they did have lunch, but only to discuss Michael’s love life; Jim has been in his office talking strictly of their competition, customers, and sales; Michael still thinks Battlestar Galactica is stupid; and, since Dwight is being ridiculous, he just might give Jim the title, but let’s Dwight keep it for now.
Jim has done well.
I’d like to see Jim convince Dwight that he has been selected as the keynote speaker at an international sales convention in Singapore.
Jim spares no expense for this one. He sets up a bogus website, and even fabricates a nomination process at the website. This almost backfires on Jim when the website is discovered by other, larger organizations and is even covered on the network news.
This ultimately becomes the first full day that Dwight misses work, since he doesn’t realize he’s been had until he is at the airport all day, waiting for his false flight to Singapore.
Jim should tell Dwight about a martial arts competition that’s going to bring people from all over the world. The thing is… to qualify, Dwight would have to travel to Hong Kong and compete in a small tournament.
Jim would have to come up with flyers and get some people to say that they’re actually going as well. He would also have to set up a fake website with registration and information about the event so Dwight doesn’t become too skeptical about the competition. He would also mail Dwight a certificate or some sort of confirmation that he has officially signed up for it. Seeing that everything checks out fine, Dwight takes a couple of “personal days” or perhaps a week to head off to Hong Kong for the tournament.
Jim should make copies of Dwight’s id photo and tape little “Dwight head” cutouts all around the office. Bathroom stall doors, on items in the refrigerator, inside drawers, etc. Imagine the horror of Dwight heads everywhere!
I would like to see Jim forge secret admirer notes to Dwight. :)
Ryan tells Jim about the “no cookie” exchange between Dwight & Angela and Jim can’t believe his good luck at finding out that interesting information & of course has to do something about it. Dwight comes in & finds hundreds of cookies piled on his desk, cookie crumbs filling the drawers in his desk, all that comes up on his computer is recipe after recipe for cookies, there’s even one that uses beets! A little later Michael comes running out of his office saying there’s some idiot dressed like a giant Oreo in the parking lot & in walks a “cookie gram” that brings a boom box with him & goes directly to Angela & does a terrible song & dance to Bow Wow Wow’s “I Want Candy” with the lyrics changed to “I Want Cookie!” which horrifies Angela and infuriates Dwight since the cookie-gram was sent by “Dwight”. The look on Angela’s face when the cookie was singing to her, alternating “I want cookie” with “I want nookie” was well worth it, even if they did have to hear Michael singing his own version of the “I want cookie, I want nookie” song with a few “That’s what she said” mixed in for the next couple of weeks.
He should freeze a can of shaving cream and take the bottom of the bottle off and put it Dwight’s desk drawer. When it melts it will expand everywhere.
Jim pays or convinces the entire staff (or most of it)to wear goatees (for the guys) or heavy makeup to convince Dwight that he is trapped in an alternate universe, a la the original “Star Trek” series.
Or he could just have Dwight’s car painted pink.
First Prank:
Jim worms his way into dwights home, changing all his clocks/cell phones etc. so that dwight shows up late for work one day. He has everyone else in the office tell Dwight they all came in early by their own judgement. This lasts for a few days until Dwight finds out.
Second prank:
Jim spends his day hiding all of Dwights possesions. From simple things like pens to larger things like his chair, telephone etc.
Third Prank:
We are informed Dwight will only drink decaf coffee. Jim earns Dwights trust and is allowed to get Dwight’s coffee. He gets regular, however, and Dwight is hopped up on caffeine the rest of the day
jim comes up to dwight first thing one morning. he asks 3 times in a row “have you ever been hypnotised?” and walks away. he and pam then start saying “goat” in the middle of sentences when they talk to dwight and then act like they are holding back a laugh whenever he speaks.
late in the day jim says “dwight, dwight, look at me, look straight at me.” when he has dwight’s full attention he makes a big show of snapping his fingers once. then, jim gets a crumpled piece of paper out of the trash and lays it on dwight’s desk and says, “eat that.” to which dwight promptly replys, “i don’t eat garbage, do you?” jim smiles and says, “good to have you back dwight.”
later jim and dwight are at their desks and michael walks by. jim makes a “ba-a-aah” sound, like a goat and michael busts out laughing as he continues into his office. now, dwight really begins to wonder if it’s possible that he’s been unknowingly hypnotized by jim.
of course, earlier, jim had simply told michael a joke that involved a goat.
ahhh. good times.
Jim and Dwight are sitting at their desks. Dwight has his arms on the armrests of his chair and then lifts them into the air.
DWIGHT: Yes! I won the Lord of the Rings trading cards on eBay!
When Dwight lifts his arms in the air you can notice two grayish streaks down his arms.
JIM: Whoa, Dwight. What happened to your arms? Did you get in a fight?
DWIGHT: What are you talking about? (looks at arms) What the……Jim, did you do this to me?
JIM: I do not recall ever beating up your arms if that’s what your implying.
DWIGHT: I don’t know how, but I know you are the one behind this!
Talking Head
JIM: I have a friend who works in a chemistry lab. I was telling him about Dwight and he hooked me up with some low concentrated silver nitrate. It makes your skin turn gray when it comes in contact with it. I just put some on the arm rests. It’s relatively unharmful at that low of a concentration. Although, it doesn’t come off very easily.
We then see Dwight at the sink with soap and a towel scrubbing away at his arms……
Jim should have Pam change the switchboard so that all calls to Dunder-Mifflin bypass her and have them go directly to Dwight’s phone. Jim would probably arrange it so that all of their clients would just “happen” to have this sudden need to call them at the same exact time.
Jim could also cover Dwight’s desk, in its entirety, in something like aluminum foil!
Or glue Dwight’s chair to the floor so that when he tries to move it in order to get up, he puts too much weight on it and falls over.
Jim is friends with the DJ at Rock 107, and asks him to help him out on a prank he has been working on. The DJ agrees to run a fake contest on Rock 107, knowing that Dwight will attempt to win since the prize is a trip to Comicon, where a Battlestar Galactica convention will also be held. The morning of the contest, Dwight calls Rock 107 numerous times, hoping that his incredible timing skills will pay off. Eventually, the DJ sees Dwight’s number enough times on the caller ID, and he finally answers the phone to inform Dwight that he is the 107th caller. Dwight is shocked, for he has never won anything in his life except for a blue ribbon at the Lackawanna County Fair for “Best Beet.” Dwight tells everyone about how being the 107th caller is a difficult skill to master, and can be achieved only by those with superior brain power, such as himself. Finally ending Dwight’s temporary glory, Jim tells him the truth before they head home at the end of the day. Dwight informs Toby of Jim’s malfeasance, and Toby simply nods sympathetically. No further action is taken against Jim’s malfeasance.
Jim should change Dwight’s outgoing voicemail message (who checks their own outgoing message regularly?) to be something ridiculous, like:
You’re reached Dwight Schrute, Dunder-Miflin assistant regional manager, building security officer, office emergency leader, resident beet expert, paintball master, karate yellow belt, science-fiction and Japanese anime fan, and Michael Scott’s best friend. Please leave a message.”
The irony would be if Dwight actually liked the new message better than his current one.
Dwight opens the top drawer of his desk to find a ring sitting on top of his Paintball Monthly. Dwight looks around suspiciously.
Dwight: “What is this?”
Jim (staring at his computer): “What?”
Dwight (snatching the ring up): “Nothing.”
Jim leaves and Dwight examines the ring. From the outside it looks like a regular gold band, but inside there in an engraving. Dwight immediately recognizes it and gasps.
Jim (now hovering above Dwight): “Wow Dwight, that’s a nice ring, where did you get that?”
Dwight (clasping his fist): “Huh, nothing… I mean… a gift.”
Dwight catches Pam staring at him holding the ring.
Pam (loudly): “Dwight, what do you have over there?”
Dwight looks around the office and everyone is intensely staring at him.
Kelly (walking by): “Can I try that on?”
Dwight: “No! It’s mine! My burden!” He runs into the break room where Angela is making tea.
Angela: “What’s wrong? What is that?”
Dwight: “It’s none of your concern.”
“Is that a ring? Let me see.”
“Dammit woman, you can’t be trusted!”
Angela slaps the s@!% out of Dwight.
Jim: I found the ring in the parking lot of Old Richard’s … it just needed elvish engraving.
Jim only talks to Dwight in the form of questions.
Pam is stationed in another area of the office. Jim comes up to Dwight, panicked, “Pam is hurt. She needs your help!” Dwight comes rushing to Pam’s rescue, with his fire safety gear. “What’s wrong?” he asks. Pam replies, “Paper cut.”
Jim creates a realistic looking copy of the front page of the Scranton Times-Tribune announcing beets are now thought to cause infertility. Dwight panics, glancing over at Angela.
Jim tells Dwight that he overheard Michael telling Ryan that he was going to offer Ryan the job of Assistant Regional Manager (higher than Dwight’s position as Assistant to the Regional Manager). Dwight reacts as he normally would, threatening Ryan, loudly in front of the rest of the office, to a fist fight in the parking lot.
Jim has a serious sit-down chat with Dwight. Jim announces that he talked to the film crew, and they’ve seen “everything.” This leads to Dwight admitting to embarrassing and eye-opening confessions, including his secret relaltionship with Angela.
Jim tells Dwight that the next day has been designated a casual/dress-down day. Jim knows that corporate is coming that day for a big meeting.
I’d like to see Jim manage to get a Punk’d-like show involved. It could happen since Dwight will be a reality show participant by virtue of the documentary. And the beauty would be that the cameras would not even have to be hidden because cameras would be around for the documentary already. So Jim could have tons of pranking resources at his disposal.
Pam tells Jim that Angela and Dwight are involved, and Jim decides to use this information to his advantage against Dwight. He starts sending Dwight emails from Angela’s computer saying “I really can’t stand living a lie anymore but am scared to tell people about us. I want you to do it.” Dwight does tell people, but Angela is furious with him and denies it, really upsetting and confusing Dwight. Jim later admits that it was quite sad and he may have gone too far.
For Halloween Jim comes to work dressed up as Dwight, complete with the brown suit, dark yellow shirt, gold tie, glasses, and a similar hairdo. When Dwight sees Jim he turns red with anger, which is appropriate, since he is dressed up as a giant beet. Pam finds Jim’s costume too disturbing, though, so she asks him to change. He agrees to change back to plain white Jim over the lunch hour. Before he can go home to change, though, Jim notices that, peculiarly, Angela is continually glancing at him and finding excuses to come talk to him.
When Jim gets back from lunch he sees that Dwight is still gone so he hides a walkie-talkie in Dwight’s desk. Then after Dwight returns, Jim and Pam go to the kitchen area and make strange noises and whisper things into the other walkie-talkie. Before long Dwight becomes convinced that his desk is haunted.
Eventually Dwight finds the walkie-talkie and is outraged. Dwight tries to call corporate to report Jim’s malfeasance, using speed dial. Unfortunately for him, earlier in the day Jim reprogrammed all of Dwight’s speed dial numbers to instead dial a Scranton mental health clinic.
How about this?
Jim prepares an official-looking manila envelope, stamped TOP SECRET. Inside is a letter mocked up with fake Department of Homeland Security letterhead. The letter would describe Phyllis as a member of a terrorist sleeper cell (!). As Jim describes it later in a talking-head shot, he adds a note on the bottom of the “top secret” letter instructing Dwight in official spy procedure: if he thinks someone unauthorized might see the letter, it must be eaten! “Breach of security will not be tolerated…must be eaten to completely destroy it” — something like that.
The envelope goes in Dwight’s in-box; the trap is set. When Dwight opens it and reads it, Jim is waiting to sneak up behind him, with his usual perfect timing. Then Dwight has the letter for lunch.
Wow, this one is really tough as I am not a prankster by heart and the Jim/Dwight relationship is so tricky. So, I’ve gotta go with one perfected on The West Wing, which is 1) gluing the phone together (also used on The Office U.K.) and 2) manipulating Dwight’s desk so that just the right amount of pressure on it causes it to collapse.
After what was supposed to be a joke email to Scott Adams, the Dunder-Mifflinites open up their Wilkes-Barre Timesleader one week to find that Dilbert contains a character strangley similar to Jim’s deskmate, right down to the karate and BSG. The rest of the nation thinks it’s hilarious, but they don’t realize just how true Dwight is. Everyone at the office (except Dwight and Angela, naturally) thinks Jim is brilliant for arranging it (Scott could be an old friend of his dad, or something.) Jim then takes joy in wallpapering Dwight’s desk the next week with multiple copies of the strip.
Bored in Stamford, Jim is able to devote some time to a side project: “America’s Most Wanted: Dwight K. Schrute.”
Jim e-mails Dwight about a double-secret casting call he’s heard about from a friend in NYC. John Walsh is looking for a new co-host for the hit show “America’s Most Wanted!” Who would be better, Jim writes, than Dwight, whose tenure in volunteer law enforcement was cut tragically short? Plus, he’s a natural on camera.
He provides Dwight with all the details. Dwight needs to be dressed in a full law enforcement uniform at 1515 Broadway in Times Square at 3 PM on an upcoming Thursday in August, and he must be ready to Rock. The. House. Jim warns Dwight that he won’t find information on the casting call on the internet. Where would the super-sleuthiness be in that?
Jim only wishes he could see Dwight’s face when, drenched in sweat, dressed like a Village Person, and surrounded by a thousand preteen girls screaming for Nick Lachey during a “Total Request Live” broadcast, he lividly shouts out Jim’s name.
Insert a “Darth Vader Voice Changer” into Dwight’s phone.
Set-up E-cards to be sent every 5 minutes, including Bah Mitzvah, Kwanzaa, and Pregnancy Cards.
Macro Dwight’s computer so it makes farting noises when he types “the”.
Replace Dwight’s reference books with Dr. Seuss books.
Put a mini-speaker/walkie-talkie into Dwight’s bobble-head and talk to him through the bobble head.
Have someone return “Dwight’s Lost Dog” and demand the $500 reward.
Replace Dwight’s desk and chair with kid-size miniatures.
Pay everyone for “Dress Like Dwight Day.”
Change Dwight’s answering machine to “Donald Schrute” in Donald Duck’s voice.
Slowly fill up Dwight’s chair seat with rocks and suggest he’s getting hemorrhoids.
Place an ad with Dwight’s work number selling a “Purple Miming Monkey for $15.00 OBO.”
Place an ad with Dwight as the contact hiring a “Personal Midget for Small Tasks Around the Office.”
Set appointments for several perms and request confirmation callbacks.
Put a remote in Dwight’s chair and move it slightly every so often.
Install an incubator (+ egg) in Dwight’s desk forcing him to hatch the egg. Dwight gets attached to Henry (the chicken).
Sign-up Dwight for “Win a Day with Chuck Norris”. Dwight would win in the episode.
After Dwight has left for the day, Jim would take all the files and reports within Dwight’s desk, and photocopy them on sheets of paper representing the different colours of the rainbow. The next day, he would then try to convince Dwight this miraculous colour change was the work of a leprechaun.
I would also love if we had a prank in an early episode that had a payoff only much later in the season. For example, while Dwight is in the bathroom, Jim could input fake meetings or sales calls in Dwight’s electronic calendar. These fake entries would be placed a few weeks or months later as so not to raise Dwight’s suspicions. A few weeks later, marvel as Dwight cannot find the contact information for these non-existent clients or shows up for meetings at the most random and inopportune times. I can imagine Michael’s blood boiling as Dwight insists they made an appointment to review the building fire safety policy and it must be done now, while Michael only wants to prepare for his rap and hip-hop class.
I think it’d be hilarious to have Jim remove all of the keys from Dwight’s keyboard and hide them around the office. Maybe mock up a little treasure map to help to find them or something. Of course, he’d keep all of the vowels for the obvious Wheel of Fortune jokes.
Jim: “Would you like to buy a vowel, Dwight?”
Dwight: “No, Jim, I wouldn’t. Give me my keys.”
Jim: “Do you want A, E, I, O, or U?”
Dwight: *beat* “E. Most commonly used letter.”
Jim fills out several subscription cards and Dwight starts receiving a shocking array of fetish-oriented adult magazines at work, along with Modern Maturity and Boy’s Life.
Pam tells Angela she overheard Michael say corporate suspects her office romance, and if they get caught they’ll be fired. Jim, meanwhile, convinces Dwight he can’t keep a woman without frequent public displays of affection, even at work.
Jim calls Dwight pretending to be an FBI agent chasing a ring of “paper pirates” moving off-quality printer paper through Dunder-Mifflin. They need Dwight to sniff out the bad guy on the inside. Eager to rejoin law enforcement, Dwight jumps at the chance to spy on his coworkers.
Dwight shows up for work and finds his desk covered in gift wrap and a big sign reading “Don’t open before Christmas!”
Pam buddies up to Angela and finds out her pet peeves with men. Jim buddies up to Dwight and offers him dating advice, specifically to do everything Angela hates. She thinks roses are whore-ish, so Dwight starts bringing her a dozen long-stems. Of course, Jim convinces Dwight that Angela loves any gift that’s green, her favorite color.
Convince Dwight that he’s won the Pennsylvania Beet Farmers’ Association Beet Farmer of the Year Award and that he’s going to have to make YET ANOTHER public speech in front of tons of people. The letter states that the awards ceremony is held at a Scranton hall, but it’s actually a minority-focused job fair. Jim gets the rest of the Office to go to the speech on their lunch break and they get to watch Dwight reprise his dictatorial speech making skills.
Pam would tell Dwight that Michael’s been working on his family tree and tracing back his ancestors and leave a copy of a fake heritage report tracing Michael’s ancestors back to the Schrutes. Dwight is excited and wants to confront Michael about being family, but Jim convinces him he should throw Michael a surprise party with all of the Schrutes at the beet farm.
Send Dwight a ransom note demanding certain things for the return of Michael Scott, who has been kidnapped. First the kidnapper asks for all of his bobblehead collection, then he wants a plate of Angela’s cookies, and finally $3,000 from Dunder-Mifflin petty cash. Michael is in New York for a meeting with Jan.
Jim actually agrees with Dwight when he states that Kelly needs to read “He’s Just Not That Into You.” A pause, as both realize the magnitude of the moment. Jim glances at the camera.
J: That was pleasant.
D: In case you’re wondering, we did NOT just bond.
J: Oh, I think we did. So, paintball this weekend?
D: We cannot be friends after all we’ve been through together.
J: All the more reason we should be – all we’ve (uses air quotes) “been through together.” So, paradox.
D: Don’t mock me.
J: There’s a change in the air. It’s like when Mary Poppins is about to show up and the leaves are swirling around and stuff.
D: (Gives him a look of disgust, then looks at his watch) It’s now 11:52. Lunchtime.
J: That’s a little early for lunch.
D: Yeah, well, when I come back at 12:52, you are not to breathe another word about this.
J: We’ll discuss it later.
D: Shut up.
We see Dwight walking to his car. The wind has picked up and leaves are, indeed, swirling around the parking lot. Dwight kicks one of Jim’s tires.
Talking head:
J: The leaves? Pure luck.
After yet another of Dwight’s power trips focused on his position as Asst. Regional Manager, Jim finally decides to show Dwight who has more power. Jim, now good friends with the camera crew, convinces them not to film any scenes with Dwight. Though annoyed, Dwight doesn’t care too much at first because he hates getting caught doing anything embarassing, like smiling, on camera. Eventually, though, he notices that Michael won’t speak or listen to him. This is, of course, because Michael is a glutton for the camera’s attention and doesn’t want to waste time with Dwight if he can’t get into the limelight. Jim informed Michael that Dwight objected to the camera’s presence as a violation of privacy. Because Michael won’t go near Dwight, Dwight cannot explain that he has no problem with the cameras. As the day goes on, Dwight performs increasingly desperate acts to get on camera to prove to Michael that he doesn’t care about the privacy rights. For instance, he does the macarena in the break room at lunch and sings “Oops, I Did It Again” to a client over the phone. The camera crew is filming all of these scenes from behind corners and such so that Dwight doesn’t know that he’s really on camera. In a final act of desperation and even to Jim’s utter surprise, Dwight strides over to the the accounting department, picks up Angela, and gives her a kiss. Michael, watching all of this, strolls out of his office and says, “Dwight, can I speak with you for a minute?” Dwight responds, “I did it for you, Michael.”
Out of ideas edition:
Jim changes the passwords on all of Dwight’s electronics… for example, his new voicemail password is c**k in a shoutout to the British Office.
Dwight begins receiving calls at work from “men seeking men” who have read his ad in the Scranton Times-Tribune. Jim can only raise his eyebrows when Dwight, confused, notes that the ad may have been placed by a “satisfied customer.”
The fax machine beeps, and begins printing. Pam glances at the first page and smiles. When Dwight comes to defile the jelly bean bowl, Pam hands him his fax. Dwight glances at the letter on the front page, and sinks away to the couch, where he tries to conceal his fax as he reads: “Thank you for choosing Brides By Mail! We have received your payment, and Svetlana will be arriving on Russia Air flight 872 on July 19. Below you will find a copy of Svetlana’s application and personal interests.” Dwight reads on, his bride-to-be is 38, has a 9-year-old son, and enjoys weightlifting.
As he returns to his desk, Jim looks up. “So, congratulations, Dwight. Pam told me you’re getting married. Admirable thing to do, taking on a widow and her child like that.”
“You did this to me!!” Dwight accuses Jim.
Angela looks up from her desk. Dwight grows red, and quietly calls the number on the fax, which is Jim’s cousin’s number – who helped send Dwight the fake fax. Dwight learns that even if it was a joke, it is too late to back out of the deal. He panics because Svetlana is arriving this week.
I’d love to see Jim pretend he’s Dwight all day (dress up like him, get called Dwight, sits at his desk… the whole nine yards) just so Dwight could see how annoying he is. It would also be nice to see Michael conspire with Jim on a prank because it would effect Dwight even more.
Other little pranks I’d like to see Jim do:
-Switch two keys on the keyboard (m and n for example) and let Dwight go all day being confused.
-Put a marquee screen saver that says something like “Dwight Smells” (or some other childish thing) with a password lock.
-On a rainy day, put all those little cirle paper leftovers from the whole puncher in his umbrella so when he goes to open it up, they fly all over.
Jim should get a giant cardboard cut-out of Dwight’s “worst fear”, and place it on the bathroom door when Dwight goes to the restroom. So when Dwight comes out, the cut-out will fall on him.
Believe me, it works very well! I put a six-foot cut-out of Tom Cruise against the bathroom door, and my sister just freaked out.
When Dwight gets a client named Anita Corleone, Jim convinces him that she is the wife of well-known Mafia ringleader in Scranton. Since the city is so crime laden (ahem) Dwight believes him almost instantly.
With the help of Pam, Jim goes on to convince him that Anita is in love with him. They leave corny poems on his voice-mail (voiced by Pam), and even go so far as to send flowers and chocolates to the office. Angela notices, and after a not-so-secret fight in the kitchen, she leaves work early for the second time ever. Jim tells Dwight that he should break it off with Anita, not only to win Angela back, but also because Anita’s husband (the well-known Mafia ringleader) is sure to be after him. Panicked, Dwight agrees and calls Anita, insisting that they meet. When he confronts her (Jim and Pam watching eagerly from afar), he ends up leaving with a bruised face and one less paper sale.
It’s been established that Jim is great at impressions and Dwight is a big fan of “The Apprentice (“Performance Review”).” So, one morning Dwight checks his voicemail only to hear a message from “Donald Trump.” Trumps says he got a copy of his resume and is interested in meeting with him…in person. If he wants the job of a lifetime, he needs to come to New York NOW. Dwight drops everything and heads for the Big Apple (too bad he’s not in the office to see Jim and Pam high five each other). You can imagine the scene at Trump Tower several hours later as Dwight tries to get by security because he “has a high-level meeting with Donald Trump!”
I would like see Jim put a mannequin in Dwight’s car, cover it up with clothes and ketchup. He has to do this after nightfall. Before, he and Pam are talking about how an escaped killer got out of prison and a woman dissapeared near Dunder-Mifflin.
The rest is history.
Interestingly enough, both of my ideas handily involve promotional tie-ins and Dwight being given his 15 minutes of fame.
– Jim has knockoffs of Dwight’s bobblehead made and begins selling them around town and on Ebay. Oddly enough, they sell like hotcakes and Dwight starts being recognized on the street as ‘the bobblehead guy’ or more simply, ‘the bobblehead’. Dwight initially enjoys the attention but then is annoyed by it and threatens to sue Jim for using his name without his permission. Jim then tells him to examine the bobbleheads more carefully and the camera zooms in to reveal the bobblehead’s actual name to be “DWIGT.”
– Jim has to pull a file off of Dwight’s computer but accidentally stumbles upon a video file of a music video Dwight has made… starring himself. Jim uploads the video to YouTube and Dwight becomes an international phenomenon.
Starting with small droplets and leading to a progressively longer stream, Jim drips ketchup from the kitchen area to the men’s bathroom stall. He tells Dwight to investigate the ‘bloody’ trail.
Angela finds an offensive gift tagged ‘From Dwight’ on her desk.
Jim uses a toothpick to shove slivers of garlic into the mouthpiece of Dwight’s telephone.
Jim puts a ‘I heart gay porn’ bumper sticker on Dwight’s Camaro.
Jim uses water to evenly saturate the dark blue cushion of Dwight’s office chair. Dwight can’t see that it’s wet and doesn’t realize the situation until the water soaks through to his underwear.
Jim has Pam fill her candy container with, what looks like, regular jelly beans. Dwight comes to fetch some black ones and realizes too late that he just ate ‘prank candy’ that burns his mouth like fire for hours.
Jim steals the ball from Dwight’s computer mouse.
Jim attaches a noose to Dwight’s look-alike bobblehead and suspends it from Dunder Mifflin’s roof so that it hangs in Michael’s office window.
Jim cranks up the volume on Dwight’s computer then sends him an email with an attachment that, when opened, immediately begins playing obscene sounds of a moaning woman.
I’m not much of a pranskter but here we go anyway.
These are a little less specific, but here we go:
I would like to see something happen with Dwight’s bobblehead.
We know, obviously, that Dwight loves his bobblehead, so having Jim do something with it would be awesome.
Also, seeing something done to Dwight’s phone would be awesome, something that could lose is standing as such a great salesperson.
Dear Corporate HR,
The HR department at DM-Scranton has not taken my grievances seriously for 2 years and for that reason I am now forwarding all correspondence directly to you in Corporate HR.
Jim Halpert tried to convince me today that I was going to be fired from Dunder-Mifflin. This morning I received an “official” notice informing me that I had violated the Electronic Communication Policy. It listed a series of vile websites and accused me of visiting those sites. It informed me that this occurrence would appear as a black mark on my official record and the next violation would end in termination. This afternoon I received another “official” notice containing similar accusations and details on how to appeal my termination case to Dunder-Mifflin.
I demand that Jim Halpert be reprimanded for his malfeasance!
Sincerely,
Dwight K. Schrute
*********
Pam gathers the interoffice mail to be sent to Corporate. She notices an envelope from Dwight to Corporate HR.
Two days later, Dwight receives a letter from Corporate HR.
“Dear Mr. Schrute,
Please be advised that we have reviewed your recent complaint and upon review have found that you have indeed violated our Electronic Communications Policy…”
Limerick for Jim & Dwight
There once was a man who sold paper,
Who tried hard to invent a new caper.
Although Jim loved Dwight,
He SO loved a good fight,
And he already Jell-Oed his stapler.
Today, he needs a much better prank.
How about flour in the gas tank?
Dwight would be mad
(Which is, really, so sad)
As he tried to drive himself to the bank.
But no – we can do better than that.
How about a trick with Angela’s cat?
Perhaps teach it to fight?
Oh, poor, poor Dwight!
Surely the dojo has an extra mat.
But wait! Our trick should involve a beet.
And, of course, one of Creed’s four-toed feet.
We’ll cook up a stew
(Creed knows what to do)
And the look on Dwight’s face will be sweet.
Best of luck to our man Jim.
(It’s so impossible not to like him).
Just don’t make Dwight cry,
Or spill soup on his tie.
He is still lovable…though quite dim.
Jim’s roommate Mark’s mom (Claire) is a real estate agent. She agrees to help Jim pull off a prank on Dwight. Claire calls Dwight and tells him that she has a client looking for a beet farm but the offer is pretty low. Mose is in on the joke and says he wants to sell the farm and move the Las Vegas to become a Texas Hold’em dealer. Dwight, of course, refuses to sell.
Jim is talking to Pam as usual, when Dwight enters. Both look over and upon seeing Dwight, go into their rehearsed conversation.
“So, yeah. I was watching the news last night, and there was this special about flesh-eating diseases,” Jim says.
Dwight interrupts Jim, “I saw that too. But I missed the end of it because I was in the bathroom.”
“Oh no, Dwight! You didn’t really go to the bathroom, did you?”
“Uh, yes I did. Why?”
“Well towards the end of the show they said that certain flesh-eating diseases have been recently found in the water of toilets and urinals. So when you flush the toilet that water gets on you.”
“Then I just won’t flush.”
“Even if you don’t flush, when you go the water splashes on you.”
“But, my skin seems okay.”
“They said it takes a couple of days to start. So from now on you have to go outside.”
“Oh my God.” Dwight then runs out of the office yelling, “I need some big leaves!”
As Jim and Pam begin to laugh, she asks him, “How did you know he went to the bathroom then?”
He replies, “Because I know Dwight…Oh my God!”
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