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Writer: Greg Daniels, Director: Ken Kwapis
Summary: Michael takes his staff out on a “motivational” cruise, where he ends up terrorizing the other guests with his dancing and stories, and Pam and Jim come close to sharing their feelings for each other.
The Office Booze Cruise extras
- Read about Booze Cruise in Jenna’s MySpace blog here and here, and in Angela’s MySpace blog here (no longer available).
- Michael shows off his dance moves to the song “Get Busy” by Sean Paul.
- From the July 10-16, 2006 issue of TV Guide: “Executive producer Greg Daniels calls the episode “our Scranton version of Jim Cameron’s ‘Titanic.'”
- Creed Bratton’s history with the Grass Roots is all true! Read about it here.
- Read James’ Northern Attack recap.
The Office Booze Cruise quotes
Jim: Ooh, dollar for a stapler, that’s pretty good.
Pam: Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo.
Jim (reading memo): It’s time for our first quarter camaraderie event! So pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask.
Pam: A ski mask and a swim suit.
Jim: So that he can have us rob a bank, and then escape through the sewers.
Pam: And brush our teeth!
Michael: Stanley! Bo Banley.
Michael: It’s a booze cruise!
Meredith: All RIIIIIGHT.
Kelly: Wait, Michael?
Michael: Yeah.
Kelly: Um, why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?
Michael: To throw you off the scent.
Kelly: Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit.
Michael: Well … just keep the tags on and you can return it.
Kelly: I took the tags off already.
Michael: No…that’s not my fault, okay? Just … we’re not going to pay for a bathing suit.
Michael: I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year. And … it wasn’t the actual course, you have to pay for the actual course. But it talked about the actual course. And I’ve incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course.
Michael: Leader … ship. The word ship is hidden inside the word leadership. As its derivation. (Note Jim’s look at the camera.)
Oscar: Last year, Michael’s theme was “bowl over the competition.” So guess where we went.
Jim (shaking head): Not really sure what movie you’re talking about. You sure you got the title right?
Michael: Ti-tan-ic.
Pam: I think you’re thinking of The Hunt for Red October.
Michael: No, I’m Leo … DiCaprio, c’mon!
Jim (to camera): Michael stands in the front of the boat, and says that he’s king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.
Phyllis: Michael, everybody in the engine room drowns.
Michael: No … thank you, spoiler … alert.
Michael: I am the skipper, and Dwight, you will be Gilligan.
Dwight: Cool.
Captain Jack: Actually, uh, I’m the skipper. But you can be Gilligan.
Michael: No, I’d rather die.
Michael: In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows. It’s nebuloze.
Dwight: I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit, and fly a plane with him. And I was four, and I was GREAT. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.
Michael: Dancing … it is a primal art form, used in ancient times, to express yourself with the body. And communicate!
Michael: Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing.
Dwight: What do you do with a drunken sailor, what do you do with a drunken sailor, what do you do with a drunken sailor, er-lie in the morning …
Angela: Hey, come inside and talk to me.
Dwight: I can’t. Do you want us to run aground, woman?
Jim (to camera): You know what, I would save the receptionist. I just … wanted to clear that up.
Captain: I can marry you right now, as captain of this ship!
Michael: I can marry you as regional manager of Dunder Mifflin!
Katy: Do you think that’ll ever be us.
Jim: No.
Katy: What is wrong with you? Why did you even bring me here tonight?
Jim: I don’t know. Let’s break up.
Katy: Whoa, what?
Michael (after throwing up into a bag): I’m on medication.
Brenda: Really? What?
Michael: Vomicillin.
Jim: To tell you the truth, I … used to have a big thing for Pam, so …
Michael: Really. You’re kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never put you two together, you really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that. You know I made out with Jan …
Jim: Yeah, I know.
Michael: Yeah … yup. Well Pam is cute.
Jim: Yeah. She’s really funny. She’s warm … and she’s just … anyway.
Michael: Well if you like her so much, don’t give up.
Jim: She’s engaged.
Michael: BFD. Engaged ain’t married.
Jim: Huh.
Michael: Never, ever, EVER, give up.
Dwight: Don’t worry, Michael. I’m taking us to shore.
Michael: It’s a fake wheel, dummy.
Deleted scenes
Michael: Hey, what’s wrong with you? You missed the boat!
Toby: I got lost.
Michael: Idiot.
Captain Jack: We can go back.
Michael: No, no, no, that’s his punishment for not being here on time. Too bad, anchor! (Boat pulls away from dock.)
Toby (grinning to camera): I guess I shouldn’t have stopped for dinner.
Dwight: Hey Captain Jack, what kind of fish they got in this lake?
Captain Jack: Perch, bass …
Dwight: You know my grandfather told me there was a monster here that eats Catholics. Have you heard …
Captain Jack: I hadn’t heard that, Dwight.
Dwight: If the hull is breached for any reason, or the boat is overtaken, I am a volunteer sheriff’s deputy, and you can count on me.
Captain Jack: That’s good to know, Dwight.
Michael: Your problem now, Captain Jack!
Darryl: Por favor, tequila, señor!
Angela: I think you’ve had enough.
Darryl: What you say, bitch? (Angela gives Darryl the look of death.) You know, you, you might be right. (Walks away.)
Michael: Wow. Wow, that was amazing! I thought he was going to kill you. Which I would not have allowed. (Walks away.)
Angela (to bartender): What are you looking at?
Creed: Back in the 60s, I was in the Grass Roots. We toured with, uh, Janis Joplin, The Doors, Cream. We had a lot of fun. Uh now I do quality assurance for a paper company. As you can imagine, uh, drugs played a part. They still do. I uh … my work calls last about 90 seconds, and that’s about as long as I can concentrate.
When Jim says “You know what, I would save the receptionist,” I just about broke down and cried.
I love this episode. Too funny when Stanley comes into Michael’s office (very serious) and wants to know where the group is going and all the while he is talking to Michael, Michael is saying “Stanley, bo banley, Banana fanna fo Fanley, me my mo Manley… Stanley”
when michael says ‘nebulose’, what does that even mean?
Alex, Michael is mangling the word nebulous, meaning hazy or undefined.
can’t help but feel bad for Michael in this one. He’s such a jerk but he tries really hard for people to like him and to be what he thinks is a good boss. Funny episode, I like how the captain made dwight “steer the ship.”
Dwight: Don’t worry, Michael. I’m taking us to shore.
Michael: It’s a fake wheel, dummy.
That part is freaking hilarious, I almost died laughing.
i cant wait to watch this episode again its really cool
I could be wrong, but I thought Creed says “my work ‘calls’ last about 90 seconds” (the very last quote in deleted scenes). I’m really not sure and haven’t had a chance to check.
Yeah, it is work calls. What’s a work ‘hole’?
Classic episode. But this is why I could never understand the “Poor Jim-Pam Does Him So Wrong” crowd.
Jim wimps out numerous times in numerous episodes. Pam, who is always chided as being too passive, is the one who actually takes the bold action that leads to the happy ending in “The Job”.
The song Michael sings to Stanley is actually from “The Name Game” by Shirley Ellis in 1964. A fact that seems to have escaped Angela Kinsey on Office Ladies Podcast where I think she believes The Office writers conjured it up. “Going To A Go-Go”, which Michaels utters “The Client” is also an actual song, Angela. Smokey Robinson and The Miracles.