The Office: Christmas Party, 2.10

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W: Michael Schur, D: Charles McDougall

Summary (DVD): Holiday cheer is in short supply when Michael insists on doing a last-minute swap of Secret Santa gifts, and Jim becomes alarmed that his sweet and sentimental gift for Pam will end up in Dwight’s hands.

The Office Christmas Party extras

• The complexities of Yankee Swap.
• A list of all the bonus gifts Jim puts in Pam’s teapot, plus where to buy your own!
• Jenna’s MySpace blog: “Snow! We have snow falling outside the office windows this week. Our Art Department Rules! When we go to our cars at the end of the night, the parking lot is covered in snow. Some interesting things about fake snow: the snow that falls outside the windows is different from the kind you use for ground cover. The stuff that they use for ground cover is cold to the touch so it’s very surreal. We even had a ‘snowball’ fight.”
• Jenna’s MySpace blog: “We shot the party part of this episode over 3 days. The bowl of egg nog sat out for 12 hours a day… it was SO DISGUSTING by the last day. At night they would cover it and put it in the fridge but it was pretty gross otherwise. The cookies and pigs in a blanket all got really hard and stale. It was funny. If you see people eating a lot of pretzels that’s why.”
• One of songs playing during the party is Christmas In Hollis by Run DMC.
• Check out Michael’s Christmas Party photos. According to the DVD commentary, those photos are the actual photos that Steve Carell shot during the episode!
• Download the Christmas wallpaper.
• Read James’ Northern Attack recap.

The Office Christmas Party quotes

Kevin: Why did you get it so big?
Michael: A, that’s what she said, and B, I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.
Kevin: But what are we gonna do with this hacked-off part?
Michael: Well, that is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin. And we are going to sell that to charity. That’s what Christmas is all about.

Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa. And I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But, I’m also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else? This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple of years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And, it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain (Jim holds up a little pencil), so I won’t. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

Ryan: Angela drafted me into the party planning committee. Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster. Which to me seems excessive.

Michael: Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, pimp.

Michael: Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me.

Michael: Check it out. Christmas bonus. Three thousand Gs.

Michael: So I guess some good came out of firing Devon after all. Maybe I should call him and tell him that.

Michael: I want people to cut loose. I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lampshades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party.

Michael: Like booze ever killed anybody.

Dwight: You guys should use a handtruck.
Kevin: Do we have one?
Dwight: No.

Michael (to Darryl): You want to be Santa? Have you ever seen Santa?

Dwight: Michael, I would like to be the elf.
Michael: That makes sense, because he has elfish features.

Toby: I got Angela. She’s into these posters of babies dressed as adults. I got her one of those. I felt kind of weird buying that.

Oscar: I got Creed. And to tell you the truth, I don’t know anything about Creed. I know his name’s Creed. I know he works right over there. I think he’s Irish and I got him this shamrock keychain.

Kevin: I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn’t.

Michael: Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, hey man, I love you this many dollars worth.

Jim: He obviously forgot to get me something. And then he went into his closet and dug out this little number. And then threw it in a bag.
Creed: Yep, that’s exactly what happened.

Michael: So Phyllis is basically saying, “Hey, Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt’s worth.

Dwight: We don’t do anything until Michael gives us further instructions.

Michael: I got it. We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap.

Jim: What is Yankee Swap.
Michael: One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person’s gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal someone else’s gift or choose a new gift.
Jim: I thought that was called Nasty Christmas.
Pam: Yeah, we call it White Elephant.

Kelly: That’s like the creepiest thing that I’ve ever seen.

Michael: Everyone wants the iPod. It’s a huge hit. It is almost a Christmas miracle.

Michael: Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe, and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.

Michael: “In addition to these paintball pellets, your gift includes two paintball lessons with Dwight Schrute.”

Michael: Who wants to take paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod?

Dwight: Take that, Saddam!

Dwight: I want the teapot, gracias.
Jim: Gotta be kidding me.

Dwight: Yankee Swap is like Machievelli meets Christmas.

Michael: Unbelievable, I do the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for these people, and they freak out. Well, Happy Birthday, Jesus, sorry your party’s so lame.

Michael: Now you’re the expert, is this enough to get twenty people plastered?
Store guy: Fifteen bottles of vodka? Yeah, it should do it.

Dwight: “A real man makes his own luck.” Billy Zane, Titanic.

Jim: To think that my gift to Pam will be used for that, it’s a little too much to handle.

Meredith: The deal is, this is my last hurrah, ’cause I made a New Year’s resolution, that I’m not going to drink anymore. During the week.

Bob: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob?

Michael: Anybody making out in here? Not yet, give it time.

Michael: Kudos to Ryan, King of the Party Committee!

Jim: This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts.

Pam: Yeah, I think I made the right choice.

Pam: Is this the Boggle timer?

Packer: Merry Christmas, asswipe!

Packer: What’s up, ma nerds?

Packer: Pack Man need a drinky.

Ryan: Whose butt is that?
Kevin: Mine.
Ryan: Oh, how did I not guess that.

Dwight: You shouldn’t do things like that. The man is supposed to do that!

Michael: Christmas is awesome. It’s really the greatest day of all time.

Deleted scenes

Michael: Remember on that animated special when they taught the monster to put the star on top? That’s Dwight. Dwight’s the monster that we taught to put the star on top of the tree. You take his teeth out, and he could put the star on top of the tree.

Dwight: What separates humans from jungle beasts? The fact that we have rules. When humans give each other gifts, they do it properly and orderly. When bears give each other gifts, they just rip open a fox carcass and present it to their mate. I prefer the human way.

Kevin: I’m the DJ because I really know how to heat up a party.

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