The Office: Sexual Harassment, 2.02

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Writer: B.J. Novak, Director: Ken Kwapis

Summary (DVD): Nobody can compare to Michael’s BFF (“Best Friend Forever”), and nobody would want to after meeting the rude and crude sales rep Todd Packer.

The Office Sexual Harassment extras

• Read more about Sexual Harassment in B.J. Novak’s TV Guide blog!
• B.J. tells GMMR that one of his favorite Office scenes comes from this episode. Read more here.
• Was anything improvised? According to Jenna Fischer’s MySpace blog, dated November 21, 2012, she says: “When Dwight asks Toby about female anatomy in the “Sexual Harassment” episode of Season 2. Rainn improvised the line “Where is the clitoris? The website says it is at the crest of the labia. Where is that?” I think the DVD will feature outtakes of Rainn’s other improvisation in that scene.”
• From an April 2011 interview with Entertainment Weekly, The Office writer/producer B.J. Novak chooses Sexual Harassment as his favorite Michael Scott episode: “The moment I fell in love with Michael Scott was the first time he used the phrase ‘That’s what she said,’ in ‘Sexual Harassment’ (season 2). Michael had been warned that he has to stop all inappropriate joking in the workplace. Heartbroken, he makes a dramatic speech to the office, announcing he will never make another joke. But then Jim starts baiting him: ‘That sounds long…and hard.’ ‘Well, you always kept me satisfied and smiling.’ Finally, Michael can’t help himself and blurts out, ‘That’s what she said!’ in an explosion of pure joy. He knows the consequences — he’s surrounded by his corporate supervisor and the company lawyer — but it’s still all worth it to him. It was Michael’s love of life that made his flaws so much fun to watch.”

The Office Sexual Harassment quotes

Michael: I am King of Forwards. It’s how I like to do business. Everybody joking around. We’re like friends. I am … Chandler, and … Joey, and uh, Pam is Rachel, and Dwight … is Kramer.

Packer: What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? This guy!

Packer: What’s up, Halpert? Still queer?

Michael: Todd Packer and I are total BFF — Best Friends Forever. He and I came up together as salesmen … one time we were out, and we met this…set of twins, and Packer told them that we were brothers, and so you know, one thing led to another, and we brought them back to the motel, and then Packer did both of them. It was awesome.

Packer: … we’re talking blonde incompetence, right?
Michael: Oh yeah …
Packer: Like a, ten words a minute … talking.
Michael: Well, to be fair, blondes, brunettes, you know, there are a lot of dumb people out there.
Packer: Right. They are women, right?

Jim: Hey, um, what has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy!

Michael: Man … that Todd Packer can do anything.
Jim (under his breath): Except pass that breathalyzer.

Ryan (looking at Packer’s license plate, WL HUNG): You a big William Hung fan?
Packer: Why does everybody ask me that? Who the hell is that?

Pam: I’m excited to show her around. She really wants to meet everybody.
Jim: Oh yeah?
Pam: Mmm-hmm.
Jim: Good, cuz I have a lot of questions.
Pam: Oh really.
Jim: Yeah. As a child, did Pam show any traits that would hint towards her future career as a receptionist? (Pam laughs.)

Michael: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for Corporate, so he’s really not a part of our family. Also he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.

Michael: A guy goes to a five-dollar … lady of the night. And … he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, “Hey, it was only five dollars. What did you expect, lobster?” (Laughs) This is what’s at stake.

Pam: Um, I just wanted to say, that … just my mom’s coming in today …
Kevin: Mmmmmm, milf.
Pam: Thanks Kevin.

Michael: Um … Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk, centerfold in the Catholic schoolgirl’s outfit, I mean it is hot, it is sexy, and it turns him on, and I will admit, best part of my morning staring at it … but what, we’re just going to take it away?
Stanley: That is my daughter, she goes to Catholic girls school. I’m taking it down right now.

Toby: Office relationships are … never a good idea, so let’s just try to avoid them. But um, if you already have one, you should disclose it to HR.
Phyllis: All relationships, even a one-night stand? (Note Jim’s reaction to the camera.)
Michael: I think the old honor system is fine. For example, I have never slept with an employee. And believe me, I could have.
Dwight: Yeah, Meredith.

Jim: I’m in … an office relationship. It’s special, um, she’s nice, she’s shy, she’s actually here, if you want to … meet her. Hold on a second (brings in blow-up doll). Oh my god, put on a shirt! Put on … I told you you’d be on camera, I’m sorry, she’s European, (doll turns to Jim) no, I told you that you’d be on camera, (doll tries to kiss Jim, he pushes her away) stop.

Michael: Jim?
Jim: No thanks, I’m good.
Michael: That’s what she said. Pam?
Pam: Um, my mother’s coming.
Michael: That’s what she said …

Dwight: Where’s the clitoris? (Toby is speechless.) On a website, it said at the crest of the labia. What does that mean? (Toby is still speechless.) What does the female vagina look like?
Toby (to camera): Technically I am in human resources, and Dwight was asking about human anatomy. Um, I’m just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

Packer: Don’t ever let this little bitch drive you around town, we got lost for a half an hour.
Pam: I don’t have any DUIs so I can drive myself, but thanks.
Packer: Where’s Michael Ssssnot, sniffin’ some dude’s thong? Probably …

Michael: In the future, if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression, I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include, “that’s what she said”?
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow, that is really hard.
Jim: Do you really think you can go all day long?
Michael is trying to restrain himself.
Jim: Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling. So …
Michael: That’s what she said!

Michael: Mr. James P. Albini. I believe you may recognize his face from the billboards? He specializes in free speech issues.
James: And motorcycle head injuries, workers comp, and diet pill lawsuits.

Michael: Mo’ money, mo’ problems.

Michael: A point is not a say.

Phyllis (laughing as Michael is hugging and kissing her): Michael, c’mon, you don’t have to worry, I’m not gonna …
Michael: I’m not, I’m not worried!
Phyllis: … report you to HR.
Michael: You know what, the only thing I am worried about … is gettin’ a boner.

Michael: Times have changed a little. And even though we’re still a family here at Dunder Mifflin, families grow. And at some point, the daddy can’t take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to.
Pam: He said what?!